Me and the Moon

You know you only burn my bridges.

2004-12-11T02:24:40Z

Can someone tell me why my girls thought it would be a good idea to see if Robbie could walk down the stairs? "We're just playing with him, Mommy," Jessie tells me.

They're five years old. The baby can barely lift his head, much less walk, and they know it. They know they're not supposed to be holding him unless Joe or I or Nathan or *someone* is with them.

Please tell me I didn't do this when Darren was born, when I was their age.

And to top it off, someone keeps calling the house. Hangups, every one of them. There was a slight chuckle, once, but I didn't recognize the voice before whoever it was hung up.

I really don't need this right now, and I'm getting a little pissed about it. Note to self: Caller ID might be a good thing right about now.

...Maybe today is just not my day.

And I can always find my way when you are here...

2004-10-24T00:01:02Z

I'll be pissed later. Much later.

When, you know, the contractions stop...

Donna resisted the urge to start pacing as she looked out the living room window, waiting for Joe’s car to pull into the driveway. He’d told her he would be home early that night, but there was no sign of him at all. “Where the hell is he?” she muttered, annoyed.

"Donna, relax," Nathan said, sitting on the couch, watching her. She was filled with nervous energy, making Nathan want to sit her on the couch, and tie her down. "You haven't stopped moving since I got here."

"I can't help it." She looked back at him, shaking her head. "He told me he wasn't going to do this tonight, Nathan. He said he'd be here."

"Something probably came up at the bar. You need to relax," Nathan told her.

She sighed, coming over to stand next to him, resting a hand on her stomach. "I am trying, you know."

"I know, Donna." Nathan stood, "Want me to make you some tea?"

"Tea... tea sounds good. It's something to do, anyway." Donna let Nathan lead her into the kitchen, dragging her feet as she did so.

He sat her down on the table, and went over to start a kettle. "Donna, you're shaking you leg again," he noted.

She laid her hand on her leg to stop it. "Sorry," she grumbled, "I didn't know it was bothering you."

"It doesn't," he smiled, "I'm just commenting on your nervousness." Nathan pulled down the bin of teas. "Which do you want? Herbal, or decaf?"

"Herbal. Do we have any raspberry tea left?"

Nathan snickered, "You've got three unopened boxes. It was on sale last week, remember? You want honey, too?"

"I always have honey in my tea." Donna quieted, watching him work. "Thanks, Nathan. You don't have to make me tea, I can do it myself, if you'd like."

"Hey, if I didn't want to make you tea, I wouldn't have offered."

"I know, but still..." Her voice trailed off, and she looked towards the door expectantly. "I want to know where Joe is."

"I'm sure he's on his way home. Don't worry Donna," Nathan said soothingly, brining over the hot cup of tea.

She nodded her thanks, taking the cup from him. "But he's always called before..."

"Maybe he got stuck in traffic?"

"For this long?" Donna looked up at the clock at the wall, which read well past midnight. "I hope he's okay..."

"He's fine," Nathan said firmly, sitting across from her.

Donna smiled weakly, "Until he's here, you might have to keep telling me that."

"Of course I will, Donna." Nathan smiled at her.

The front door gave a creak as Joe stepped inside, slamming shut behind him. "Donna?" he called.

"See?" Nathan said with a raised eyebrow.

Rolling her eyes at Nathan, Donna stood as fast she could and rushed out in the hallway to see him. Her voice filled with barely controlled fury, she said, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Phil needed help at the bar, I stayed. Hit some traffic on the way home but it wasn't bad." Joe moved to hug her, but Donna pulled away. "I'm glad to see you, too."

"We were waiting for you. I was worried. Wasn't I worried, Nathan?"

Nathan sighed, rolling his eyes at Joe, where Donna couldn't see, "Yes you were."

"But I'm home now, it's going to be okay." Joe nodded to Nathan, trying to reassure Donna.

"Sure it is. Did you ever even think of calling me? No. You just figured that your poor pregnant wife had nothing better to do than sit around just waiting for your ass to show back up here and that you'd get home whenever you'd get home."

"Donna, you know that's not what I thought. Will you calm down for just a few seconds?" Joe was starting to get a little defensive.

Nathan took the few steps closer to Donna, patting her shoulder, "Donna, it's alright. Look, Joe's home fine, just like a said. Drink your tea."

She hissed between her teeth and stormed back into the kitchen, mumbling something about men and not thinking as she brushed past her husband.

Joe rubbed his temples and turned to Nathan. "How long has she been like this?" he asked softly, low enough so only Nathan could hear him.

"Since before I got here, and that was at 4," Nathan answered, his voice just a quiet.

"Shit." He shook his head. "It's going to be a long night."

Nathan turned his head sharply, "You think?"

"Don't you start on me too." Joe moved past Nathan and into the kitchen, where Donna was sitting at the table, sulking. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry I didn't call," he said soothingly, rubbing her shoulder.

Donna pushed his hand away, "I don't want you to be sorry, I wanted you to be here."

"Well, I couldn't. Can't you just accept my apology?"

"Why? So you can do it to me again tomorrow night?"

"Er, maybe I should go?" Nathan offered, listening to the tone in Donna's voice.

"Don't you leave me too," Donna said, trying her hardest not to be angry and not quite succeeding.

"Don't start that, Donna. I didn't leave you."

She looked up at Joe, "I wasn't talking to you."

"Donna, dear, going back to my apartment is not leaving you." Nathan's voice was soft and soothing.

"Everyone just thinks they can leave me alone..." She drew a deep breath to keep herself from crying. "If you want to leave, fine, go. You both can go if that's what you want so much."

"Donna, honey, calm down." Joe took a seat next to her. "Think about it. It's not that big of a deal. It's late, Nathan would be leaving soon anyway."

Nathan looked up at Joe, "But if you want me to stay, I will." He took the seat on her other side, and rubbed her arm.

"I don't want to be alone," she whispered, "but I'm not going to keep you here."

"You're not alone," Joe soothed, and his wife glared at him.

Nathan hid a sigh, "Donna, drink your tea. It'll calm you down. And look, I'm not going anywhere."

"And what if I don't want to calm down?"

"It's not good for the baby, Donna. You need to relax." Nathan's voice was soothing, and he rubbed her arm.

She jerked away, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm sick of worrying about the baby. I'm sick of not drinking beer and watching what I eat and... and..." She rose to her feet and walked back into the hallway.

Joe looked after her, "Donna, wait. Let me go with you."

"No, you didn't want to be here before..."

"Donna, you've got to calm down, and you know it."

"Donna," Nathan went after her, stopping her movement with a firm but gentle hand on her shoulder. "Come sit down, please?" He put a little bit of a whine in his voice, the whine that Donna always broke down for. "You know we both love you."

Donna's eyes filled with tears. "Stop that," she whispered. She rested her hands on her stomach, and she could have sworn she felt a little sick. "Don't do that. You know I can't say no to that."

"Come on," he hugged her, "Come sit down. Talk to Joe." Nathan pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Even though he knew that Nathan and Donna were like brother and sister, Joe still wasn't comfortable with the fact that she was turning to Nathan more than she turned to him. Pulling her chair closer to his, he motioned for her to sit. "You know I am sorry, honey. I didn't mean to stay late."

"You should have called me," she whispered, rubbing her stomach as she sat down.

"Donna... do you feel okay?" Joe rested one hand alongside hers.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just upset."

Nathan recoginzed Joe's role of 'protective husband' and took the seat across from them with a small smile. "What hurts, Donna?"

She shook her head, "My stomach, but the baby's not kicking. Like I said, it's probably because I'm upset. I'll be fine. I'll just sleep it off or something."

“Um… are you cramping?”

"No, no, no, Nathan, it is not what you think it is. The baby is *not* coming." Donna looked over at Joe, "I'd know if the baby was coming."

"Donna... are you sure you're all right?" Joe looked concerned.

"I'm fine!" She got up again and started pacing around the kitchen. "And another thing I'm sick of, I'm sick of everyone worrying about me. I am capable of taking care of myself, you know."

"Donna, it's not to early for the baby," Nathan watched her pace, worried, "And the books say that women are antsy, sometimes, before the birth. You haven't stopped moving since I got here."

"Since when did you start reading up on pregnancy?" Donna shook her head and turned towards the counter.

"You were like this when you went into labor with the girls, too," Joe pointed out. "Donna, if you are--"

"I'm not!" She was practically pleading, "Listen, if I was in labor, I'd know it. I'm telling you I'd..." Donna's voice trailed off, her eyes going wide, "...know it..."

Nathan and Joe exchanged a look, "I think your water just broke," Nathan said wryly.

"I hate it when you're so observant," Donna shot back. "Okay, I'll take everything back I said, maybe we should..."

"I'm on it." Joe went up to his wife, planting a brief kiss on her cheek. "You, calm down. I'll go get the stuff upstairs, we'll head over to the hospital right now, okay?"

"Okay..." Donna's hands went around her stomach, "The girls... what about the girls?"

"I'll call Amanda on the way," Nathan nodded, going to the hall to grab Donna's jacket. "She's still got the girls."

"Thank you." As Joe went upstairs, Donna reached out for Nathan, "Are you going to come with us?"

"As long as you want me to," Nathan said with a comforting smile.

"I want you to."

Joe came down the stairs, a backpack slung over one shoulder. "You ready?" he asked, slipping an arm around Donna's waist to steady her.

"Well, since your son is, I guess we don't have a choice, do we?" Donna managed a small smile.

"Lets go guys, Joe, you and Donna in the backseat, I'll drive. But we're taking your car, Joe. There's no way Donna'll be able to get into the backseat of mine."

"Besides, I think I'm blocking you in." Joe shrugged. "I trust you won't get us killed."

Donna half-heartedly smacked Joe as he held the door open for her, "Nathan's a good driver and you know it. But I agree, no little Mercury Cougar tonight. Let's just get there as soon as possible."

"I'm on it," Nathan jingled the keys. "Lets go."

When the world was younger, and you had everything to lose...

2004-09-30T21:33:19Z

I've been going through old pictures, trying to get the albums together in time before the baby comes. And, knowing me and anything to do with papers or pictures, the office is trashed, but I think it's worth it. I've got to keep myself occupied somehow, when I'm not chasing after the girls.

I found pictures from the little engagement party my brother had for us, right after Joe asked to marry me. It was the first time Nathan and Andy had met--I'm glad they got along so well. It was a good day, a great day, kind of like bringing two halves of my life together.

I should give Andy a call, see what he's up to. He's been quiet lately, which could be a good or a bad thing.

Sighing happily, Donna took a seat next to Nathan on the porch steps, overlooking her brother Darren's backyard. It had been Darren's idea to throw a small engagement party, and she was glad that Nathan finally had a chance to meet her family. Joe, meanwhile, was over with her parents by the grill, talking with her father. Smiling, Donna glanced over at Nathan, "So, what do you think?"

He grinned at his almost sister, "You've got a great family. Though I think I overheard your mother start to plan the wedding."

"That's my mom for you." Donna shook her head. "She thinks I should have gotten married a good 15 years ago."

Chuckling, Nathan back against the handrail, the stone steps chilled under his butt. "I'd agree with her, but then I never would have you."

"I second that. Besides, if I got married 15 years ago..." She mentally counted. "That was the year I started dating Jeremy. Before that was Andy and I still can't see us ever getting married."

"Hey, what about me?" a tall man with spiky blond hair walked over to them and handed Donna a beer.

"Nothing." Donna smiled, "Nathan, have you met Andy?"

"Briefly," Nathan smiled, "When I first got here. Care to join us?" he asked.

"Absolutely. Especially if you two are talking smack about me." Andy sat down on the step above them, sipping his beer. "So, you're Matthews' new brother?"

"That's Donna's new title for me," Nathan tipped his hand in a mock salut, while grinning. "I'm not complaining too much... As long as she doesn't call me her gay shopping buddy."

Laughing, Donna said, "No, you'd just be my shopping buddy, and of course, that would require me to go shopping in the first place, which I rarely do."

"We went shopping once," Andy mused, "Remember?"

"Andy, that was a late night run to the package store and we were both a little drunk. That doesn't count."

Donna's half matter of fact, half bored tone made Nathan laugh. "At least we haven't done that. Joe might kill us."

Donna laughed. "You're right, he probably would."

"He'd get over it." Andy shrugged. "I mean, come on, you decided to marry him, after all."

"Don't tell me you're still upset about that," Donna said, a little concerned.

"Why would you be upset?" Nathan asked, his question directed at Andy.

"Dude, I was gonna ask to marry her." Andy leaned towards Nathan, like he was revealing a deep, dark secret. "Got her a ring and everything."

"Yeah, from a gumball machine," Donna added.

"You were drunk," Nathan guessed, "When you thought of this plan?"

"Actually, we both quite wasted when we thought of this plan," Donna admitted. "Would have worked, too, until I got a boyfriend who wasn't afraid to propose.”

"You should have stayed with Andy," Nathan nodded, knowing full well which boyfriend Donna was thinking of.

"Yeah, that was the general consensus." Donna rested her head on her knees, glancing over at Joe.

"Yeah, that guy was a fucking prick," Andy agreed. "Broke his jaw for what he did to her."

"Man, I wish I did that." Nathan made a face, "I only gave him a bloody nose."

"Wait, wait, wait a minute. You've met him?" Andy's jaw dropped. "Matthews didn't tell me that."

"Oh, you mean she didn't mention that he showed up at her apartment, wouldn't leave, and attacked Joe?" Nathan said, giving Donna a dirty look.

Donna looked up, "There was a reason for that, you know."

"I would have found out where he was--"

"And Jeremy would have had your badge," Donna finished. "I wasn't going to put you through that."

Nathan nodded, "Probably smart then. But yeah," he turned back towards Andy, "I met. We're best of friends now, can you tell?"

"Oh yeah." Donna chuckled, a little cynically. "He thought Nathan was my boyfriend."

Andy laughed, pulling out a box of cigarettes. "He'd think that, wouldn't he? He always was one to jump to conclusions."

"Yeah. Like that time at Orlando's, when he got pissed at me for a having a smoke with one of the cooks?" Donna shook her head. "That was amusing."

"I still can't believe you worked at my family's restaurant," Nathan said with a bit of a grin.

"I know. Talk about coincidence." Donna smirked.

"Your family owns Orlando's? The Italian place?" Andy fished out his lighter and lit his cigarette. "Don't tell me you're Grey's kid. Grey didn't like me."

Nathan laughed, "I am, and I don't wonder why. I'm sorry to admit that I barely remember Donna, let alone you."

"Well, Andy looked a lot different back then. Had long hair. He was hot, Nathan." Donna laughed, "And you never told me you remembered me."

"Hey!" Andy cried, slightly offended.

Nathan eyed Andy up and down, "I don't know Donna, he's still a little hot."

Donna burst out laughing, clutching her stomach as she almost fell off the step.

Andy looked at Nathan, jaw nearly dropping, "Dude, are you hitting on me?"

Laughing as well, Nathan shook his head, "Andy, if I were hitting on you, you'd know I was hitting on you. I'm good at flirting." Turning back to Donna, who was still trying to catch her breath, he grinned, "I really don't remember much. Just vague images of a girl with dark hair and a cloud of smoke."

"That was most certainly Matthews." Andy grinned, blowing out a puff of smoke. "Still can't believe you quit smoking for that boy."

"Yeah, love makes you do stupid things." Donna shrugged. "Nathan, I can't even remember if you had long hair back then."

"I didn't," he answered. "I didn't grow it out until after I broke up with my first boyfriend. Mom used to tease me that I didn't hit the 'rebel stage' until after college."

"See, Andy and I did the whole rebel thing in college, straightened up when we joined the force."

"Except for the whole drinking thing," Andy amended, "because trust me, we weren't giving up on that."

Chuckling, Nathan nodded in agreement, "Well, that's important."

Donna smiled, sipping her beer. "Of course. Beer is the way to an educated lady's heart. It's how I won Joe over."

"See, and here I thought you won Joe over with sex," Nathan grinned.

"Beer first, then sex."

"It's how she gets men, you know," Andy told Nathan. "She did it to me, too."

"And speaking of men... I think I'm going to save Joe from my mother." Donna nodded to her fiancé, who looked more stressed out than normal. "Play nice, you two."

Snickering, Nathan turned to Andy. "She afraid we'll turn on each other?" he asked.

"Nah, just afraid that I'll, you know, be myself." Andy took a drag on his cigarette and shrugged. "Can you tell me something?"

"Sure."

Andy's face turned deadly serious. "This Dawson guy... Matthews ain't making a mistake, is she?"

Nathan shook his head, a small grin playing across his lips. "No way. Joe is a really great guy. And he loves her. Look at them," he said, gesturing over to the pair. Joe's whole face and brightened up when Donna walked over, and she had slipped an arm around his waist. "I mean, they have their problems, every couple does, but I vouch for Joe Dawson. That man is as loyal as they come."

"I hope so." Andy shook his head. "I can't see her brother carry her out of the damn church again."

"I really don't think you've got to worry about that, Andy," Nathan said firmly.

"Don't I?" Andy shook his head. "Matthews is the only good girl I've ever had."

Nathan smirked, "Really Andy, I'd stake my manhood on it."

"And you are a manly man, I'm sure." Andy nodded, putting out his cigarette on the heel of his shoe.

"Yup. You can tell, right?" Nathan, grinned.

"Oh, definitely." Andy flicked the cigarette butt out into the yard. "You drink beer, hang out with Matthews, aren't offended by me..."

"I'm a flaming homosexual. It's all good."

Andy grinned, shaking his head. "Dude, if you're a flaming homosexual, then I might as well be one too. We're not all that different, you know." He paused, then added, "Well, looks wise anyway. I ain't about to start dating men."

Chuckling, Nathan winked, "Are you sure? I mean, I'm currently between boyfriends."

"Nah, I wouldn't want to keep all the gay men of the world from knowing true happiness by your side." Andy laughed, "Talk to me when I'm a little drunk and a little desperate, and maybe my answer will be different."

"I'll remember that. You are planning on getting drunk tonight, don't you?" Nathan half leered at him, while grinning.

"Andy's always planning on getting drunk," Donna said lightly, coming over to the duo, her arm still around Joe's waist.

"Yeah, but he's a little dangerous when he does," Joe commented. "I still haven't forgotten that night the three of us went drinking."

"But you loved it, Dawson, admit it." Andy cast a glance at Nathan, "And I don't think I'll be all that drunk. But the night is young."

Nathan grinned, "Donna, let me know when Andy's drunk, won't you? I need to show him something, then."

Donna narrowed her eyes, a little mockingly. "You wouldn't be getting into any trouble, would you? I told you two to play nice."

"I *am* nice," Andy said, pretending to pout. "He wants to sleep with me."

"Andy, sweetie, most people want to sleep with you," Donna said knowingly.

"Well, you used to..."

"Used to." She smiled, leaning against Joe. "I still love you though. Nathan will love you too. Just not in the same way."

"Right," Nathan nodded. "That's exactly it, Donna." He turned to Andy, "You've got nothing to worry about. Unless, you know, you want try something new."

"Maybe someday." Andy finished his beer. "Hey, Matthews, want to get me another one?"

She laughed, shaking her head. "I don't think so, Andy."

"Awww... but you said that you loved me!"

"Apparently not that much." Joe smirked. "I'll bring over another round."

"I told you Joe was a good guy," Nathan grinned. He slid over, and patted a spot of cement next to him, "Sit down, Donna."

While Joe moved past them over to the cooler, Donna took a seat next to Nathan and wrapped an arm around her new brother's shoulders. "So, did you two play nice?" she asked teasingly.

"Yes Mommy, of course Mommy." Andy rolled his eyes. "Really, I'm not that immature."

"Yes, Andy, you are."

Nathan hugged her, one-armed, "We did just fine. As immature as Andy is, you still pick 'em well."

"Well, two out of three ain't bad," she commented softly.

"Shush," Nathan told her, squeezing a little tighter. "You're allowed to make a bad choice once in awhile. Besides, you fixed it, right?"

"Well, if she didn't I did." Andy smirked. "Made sure he couldn't talk for a month and then made sure he was transferred."

"I don't remember if I ever said thank you for that..." Donna's voice trailed off.

"Don't worry, I knew." Andy nodded solemnly.

"See? We're all here for you," Nathan nodded.

"Thanks." She hugged them both, albeit a bit awkwardly. "I love you guys."

"We love you too, Donna."

But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make...(Joe, Nathan only)

2004-09-14T02:32:09Z

Of all the random luck...

So he's in Paris. So what. So they're having dinner, and he's not being honest.

And I know it's not good for the baby and I know I really have no reason to get this upset but damn, Nathan's my brother and he doesn't know what he's walking into and I have to do something...

Will came out of a small market. Even to that day, he still didn't drink, but the arm not weighted with the groceries, he had a bottle of table wine.

Walking down the somewhat desert street, Donna fought the urge to rush back home, as she was already 20 minutes late and she knew the babysitter probably had places to be. As she passed the door to a small market, she bumped the shoulder of a man passing by, nearly causing him to drop the groceries he was carrying.

"Oh, I'm so sorry..." She looked up at his face, and the recognition almost stopped her dead in her tracks.

Will stumbled to catch the bag before it hit the ground. As soon as he steadied and balanced his things again, he looked up, "It's fine---..." Will deadpanned, "Donna."

"Will." She drew a deep breath, fighting the urge to clench her teeth together. "Imagine seeing you here."

"Yeah out on the street in the middle of the day. It's a shock I know," Will mumbled dryly.

"Always." It was impossible to ignore the tension between them. "What brings you to Paris?"

"I live here."

"Really." So, Will lived in Paris and had avoided Nathan all this time? Donna shook her head. "Well, we've been here for a quite a while now. Didn't know you were in town, though."

"Joe and I have an understanding that I don't hang around." Will shrugged, "So... you're pregnant again. You shouldn't be running like that."

She tossed her long hair over her shoulder. "You make that sound like it's a bad thing. I have my girls to get home to."

"Congratulations. You need a ride?"

Donna hesitated, but knew that Will was probably right, and she was really too tired to keep going at this pace. "A ride would be lovely, if you're going my way," she said, forcing a smile. "Do you know where our bar is? We live a few streets from there."

"Yeah I know where the bar is," Will nodded as he popped the doors to his car open. "And you don't have to force yourself to be nice to me. Just don't curse me out on the way there."

She sighed and nodded. "Deal. I'll play nice if you play nice." Climbing into his car, Donna waited patiently for Will to put all his groceries away. "That's a lot of food for just one person," she commented, more for something to say than much else.

"What can I say, I'm a growing boy. And only most of it is for me anyway." Will shrugged as he started the car and drove off.

Donna nodded, watching the cars pass by. "Most of it?"

Will raised a brow, "Yeah, most of it. I don't drink, remember?"

"Oh, right. As you can see, currently I don't either." She sighed. "Who's the wine for?"

"A friend I'm going out to dinner with," Will grumbled out.

"...I see." Donna paused, "This friend have a name, or am I not allowed to ask?"

"As if it's any of your business, I'm having dinner with Nathan."

She looked at him, her expression turning cold. "When did you start talking to Nathan again?"

"Last week. I ran into him at Matt's."

Staring out the window, Donna let the information sink in for a few moments. Finally, she said, "You know, if you knew where Joe and I were this entire time, you could have easily found Nathan. He's been in Paris as long as we have."

"I know. I couldn't have avoided him all this time if I didn't know where he was," Will answered matter-of-factly.

"Then why avoid him?" Donna let the question hang between them.

"Again, none of your business," Will huffed.

"Of course not." She smiled thinly. "I'm just the one who took care of him that night you left him. The one who kicked his ass and made him go to school so he wouldn't sit around wallowing over you. The one who made sure he didn't fall back into depression--and it's none of my business."

"And after that wonderful speech, it's still none of your business! It's just dinner. It was almost ten years ago."

"Uh-huh. Right." Donna continued to stare out the window. "Forgive me for being a little protective of him. I tend to be a little weary of exes who suddenly appear out of the woodwork. Always seems to mean trouble."

"Don't look at me. He's the one who called and invited me over. And if you didn't know by now, you also didn't know that I already talked to him without any help from you. So yeah, it really isn't any of your business."

Donna resisted the urge to hiss under her breath. "Fine. Nathan's a big boy. You two have just a wonderful dinner and remember to play nice." She slumped back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

Will nearly jumped when he heard his cell ring. Without looking, he flipped the small phone open, "Dr. Snow here. Uh.. Yeah... Um." He glanced warily at Donna before returning his eyes to the road, "Now isn't the best time." Will muttered lowly, "Amy, I said I'd be there tonight and I mean it. Just give me a few hours." He sighed. "Yeah. Yeah I know. I'll see ya." He hung up, and dropped the phone back in his coat pocket before he was tempted to throw it into the backseat.

Amy? Donna remembered Joe vaguely saying something about rumors of Will dating his daughter Amy, but that was years ago... and she'd never told Nathan in fear of hurting him... "Who's Amy?"

"You know Amy," Will mumbled.

Her breath caught in her throat. "Stop the car."

Will stopped, "What?"

"I said stop the fucking car." She turned in her seat to look at him, her jaw nearly dropping. "You're dating Amy?! Amy Thomas? My stepdaughter Amy?"

"You know, it's entirely possible that I can talk to someone without dating them!" Will snapped back at her.

"You know, when Joe said he heard rumors, I didn't think they could be true." Donna was starting to get angry, and she knew she should have more control over her emotions than this, but at the moment she didn't care. "So? Are they true? Oh, wait, you won't tell me that. God forbid you tell me anything."

"I don't have to tell you anything! You don't seem to get it. It's none of your business! It never was! And what's so completely unbelievable." Will smirked, all to used to having these arguments with Joe, "Between the time before and the time now, we were still dated on and off too. So maybe I am. So what?"

"So what? Did you tell Nathan?"

"It didn't come up, no..."

Her anger got the best of her, and she landed a quick slap to Will's face. "Apparently *you* never got it, Will," Donna hissed. "This was never about me, or even about you, for that matter. It was about Nathan. Did you think you could just toy with for the hell of it?" She shook her head in fury, "How could you do this to him?"

"DAMMIT DONNA!" Will yelped as his face snapped in one direction. He put his hand to his cheek, "And believe it or not, yes it was about me. I was the one on the block, I was the one who left. I was the one who went to Nathan last week and spilled my guts about everything that happened and apologized. And I'll tell you what I told him, even though I shouldn't have to, I don't want anything from him now. You know and I know he's better off without me."

"Right." She shook her head. "You don't know him at all, do you? He pinned his hopes and dreams on you. And knowing Nathan he'll do it again." Donna sighed, drawing a deep breath to calm down and finding it didn't work. "Thanks for the ride. I'll be going now

"I said I'd take you home, don't be so damn stubborn about it." He started off to drive off to her house, as he knew very well where it was. "You can forbid me to go, but if you do, you're the one breaking the news to him."

"You wouldn't listen to me even if I told you not to go." Donna glared at him, "And I'd rather he got the news from me than go into that dinner just get his heart broken."

"Wanna bet? Go ahead and tell him. Trust me, it won't feel like you think it's going to feel. Ha! Maybe I should just leave Amy on a cold shot in hell of getting back together with Nathan, right? Would that be better?"

"No! What would be better would be telling him upfront what he's getting into! So you don't just show back up and ruin his life!"

"I haven't done anything... I didn't even plan on seeing him again! I didn't think he'd call me and I sure as hell didn't think he'd invite me to dinner. Maybe.. Just *maybe* we're capable of being adults about this, even if you can't get over it."

Closing her eyes, Donna managed to control her anger for a second. "Nathan's just like me," she said, quiet and controlled, "And by now I know him a little better than you. But fine, you go ahead and be adults about it, and I'll be prepared to deal with the fallout, whatever that may be."

Will scowled and pulled up in front of her home, "Thanks for giving permission I don't remember asking for."

"Anytime. Don't you just love how our lives have crossed once more?" Donna's voice was dripping with sarcasm as she opened the car door. "Again, thanks for the ride."

"Yeah I was waiting for my ulcer to come rearing back, at least now the wait's over," Will drawled bitterly.

"Glad to know I could be of assistance." Donna smiled mockingly. "I'm sure I'll see you around."

"I can't wait."

Now that she's back from that soul vacation, tracing her way through the constellation...

2004-09-13T00:44:55Z

Amanda's back and spoiling me and the girls.

God, I missed that girl. Maybe I can talk her into babysitting.

Donna smiled softly as she closed the girls' bedroom door behind her, leaving the girls to their afternoon nap. After chasing after them non-stop all morning, Donna was more than ready for a nap herself. She was about to sit down and watch a movie when a knock came at the door. Curious, she got up to open it.

"I hope this isn't a bad time?" Amanda asked, smiling brilliantlly at Donna. "I just came from the bar, and I promised Joe I'd visit you."

"Amanda!" Donna smiled broadly. "When did you get back in town? No, no, your timing's fine, the girls are sleeping. Come inside." She held the door open for Amanda to walk in.

"Thanks Donna." Amanda swept into the room, stopping to give Donna a hug and quick peck on her cheek. "I got in a few days ago. I'm staying with Duncan right now."

Hugging Amanda back, Donna kicked the door closed with one awkward foot. "I figured you'd go back to him eventually. It's been so long, we have so much to catch up on."

"We do! Here," she fished inside her purse, and pulled out a jewelry box, "A gift since I missed the girls birth."

"Amanda, you didn't have to get anything..." Taking the box, Donna smiled and said, "Come on, I'll open it in the kitchen. Do you want something to drink?"

"That would be lovely. What ever you're going to have is fine." Amanda followed her inside, "And don't worry about the gift. Like I told Joe, it wasn't any trouble."

Donna raised one eyebrow. "Got bored, did you?" She set the box on the counter and opened the refrigerator. "Iced tea sound good to you? I'd offer beer, but I've still got a ways to go before I can allow myself that luxury." She rested one hand on her stomach while she reached up for two glasses.

Amanda smiled, "When are you due? I have to say Donna, some women have limp hair and a tired experience while pregnant, but you... You look radiant."

"I've got another month left, give or take--the girls were early, and it won't surprise me if this one's early too. And trust me, I'm plenty tired." Pouring the iced tea, Donna brought the glasses over to the table, along with the box. "Let's see what's in here, shall we?"

Opening the box slowly, Donna gasped as she saw the necklace and earrings, complete with sapphires and diamonds. "Amanda... this is too much," she said in disbelief.

"Oh no!" Amanda waved her hand, "Really, it's a little thing. I've got gifts for the girls too, but I'd like to actually be able to give them to them."

Donna chuckled, sipping her iced tea. "You can see them, if you'd like," she offered, "and guaranteed one if not both will wake before you go."

"Oh, but you just put them to sleep! It's alright, I'll come back." Amanda grinned, "I'll even babysit, if you'd like me too."

"Free babysitter! This is a good day indeed." Donna laughed. "Amanda, you're spoiling me. Really."

"Well, I can't have my own children, so I borrow other peoples," Amanda smiled softly.

Donna quieted, resting her hand on her stomach. "I forgot about that," she said softly.

Amanda shook her head, "I'm used to it. Don't tell Duncan, but I really love children, but I also like being able to give them back."

"The role of the Aunt. I've been there, done that... still not the same, though." Donna tilted her head to the side, listening. "Do you hear footsteps?" She rose from her seat and headed out to the hallway.

Amanda stood, following her. "Think the girls are awake?"

Donna nodded. Melody stood at the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes and clutching a teddy bear. "Mommy, I heard voices," she mumbled sleepily, taking little steps towards them.

"It's okay, sweetie, Auntie Amanda is an old friend of mine." Donna wrapped Melody in a quick hug. "You want to say hi to her? She knows Uncle Duncan, too."

Amanda smiled sweetly, "Hello, dear. I'm your Aunt Amanda."

Melody peeked out from behind Donna's leg, smiling shyly. "Melody Jane Dawson," she said shyly, pulling her teddy bear aside so she could hold out her hand for Amanda to shake. "Pleased to meetcha."

"I don't get a hug?" Amanda asked, making big puppy eyes. She knelt down to Melody's level, and held her arms out.

The little girl smiled and nodded before giving Amanda a hug, squeezing tightly. Above them, Donna chuckled softly. "I'm going to go check on Jessie," Donna said, "I'll be right back." Melody still clung to Amanda, smiling.

"Well," Amanda said, standing up with the young girl in her arms, "Now that Mommy's gone, how would you like a present?"

"Present?" Melody's eyes grew large at the word. "Okay!"

Laughing softly, Amanda set the little girl down on the counter top. "Don't move, so you don't fall off alright?" She waited for Melody's nod, before pulling out a little box wrapped with gold paper and a bow. "Do you think you can open it yourself?" Amanda asked, handing Melody the box.

Melody nodded eagerly. "Of course, Auntie Amanda. I'm gonna five soon, you know." She pulled at the bow hard, almost letting the box fall as the ribbon came undone.

"Oh, of course," Amanda nodded sagely.

Unfolding the paper, Melody giggled as she saw the bracelets. "They're so pretty," she said.

"Do you like them?" Amanda pulled her sleeve down a little, "See, I have some just like those."

"Ooooh," Melody fingered the bracelets. "I like them. Can I wear them now?”

"Of course you can, sweetie! Here, I'll help you." Amanda took the little hand, and helped Melody put them on over her hands. The three jingled together when the gold hit.

Melody giggled, looking up as Donna entered the kitchen with a sleepy Jessie at her side. "Look what Auntie Amanda gave me!" she cried, holding her arm out to her sister.

Jessie looked up at Donna, pouting a little. "I want some too!"

"Don't worry, we'll share them," Melody said, nodding.

"Oh, you don't have to share! Jessie gets some too." There was an identical box resting on the table next to Melody. "Those are for Jessie. So you both can match."

"Yay!" Jessie scrambled to the kitchen table to open the box, all traces of sleepiness gone.

"Well, Amanda, you certainly made their day," Donna said, smiling.

Amanda grinned, "Well, I did try. Besides, every lady should have jewelry."

"Yes," Melody said, nodding and holding her arms out for Amanda to pick her up off the counter. "And we're all such pretty ladies too."

Jessie nodded solemnly as Donna helped her slip the new bracelets on.

"Yes, you are!" Amanda laughed, picking the girl up and setting her on her feet. "You look just like your mother."

Donna chuckled. "That's what everyone says. They've got Joe's eyes though--managed to escape the brown-eyed Matthews curse."

"There's nothing wrong with brown eyes," Amanda nodded, watching the girls jingle the bracelets together.

Shrugging, Donna patted Jessie's hair affectionately. Meanwhile, Melody had managed a firm grip on Amanda's hand, swinging it back and forth. "I think they like you," Donna said.

"I'm glad. I was afraid they wouldn't, since I've missed so many years." Amanda gazed down affectionately.

"Don't say that, Auntie Amanda," Melody smiled. "Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Duncan told us all about you."

"Yeah!" Jessie chimed in. "You wanna come play with us?"

Amanda beamed at them both, "I would love to girls, but maybe we can play tomorrow? Your mommy and I have some talking to do."

"You promise?" Jessie asked, her eyes growing wide.

She nodded sagely, "Of course I promise."

"Okay!" Melody gave Amanda a quick hug before turning to her sister. "Let's go play dress up!" Both of the twins bounded up the stairs, giggling. Donna watched them go, smiling.

Chuckling, Amanda took a seat at the table again. "Sit down Donna. The girls are lovely."

Sighing, Donna sank into the chair, massaging her stomach gently. "Yeah, they're always like that. You should see them around Nathan, they never leave him alone." She smiled, "He likes it, though."

Amanda thought about what she remembered about the former Watcher and nodded, "He seems like the type. How's he doing, actually?"

"Good. He's on leave from the Watchers, has been for a while. He teaches history at a school here." Donna sipped her drink. "He's been like a brother to me, and an uncle to my girls. Between him and Joe, and occasionally MacLeod... Paris was like our little sanctuary."

"Duncan was glad for company, I know. I was glad you both were here when I left." Amanda frowned, "I hate leaving Duncan alone."

"Why? He's a big boy, he can take care of himself." Watching Amanda carefully, Donna said quietly, "I think you missed him."

"Of course I did," Amanda said with a small smile. "I love him, as much as I can love anybody."

Donna smiled with her. "I'm glad to hear that. So, what's your plan now?"

Amanda shrugged, "Oh, I suppose I'll stay with Duncan for a while, have lots of sex, and take a few jobs."

"Sex is always good. Gets me into trouble"--she laughed, resting a hand on her stomach--"but it's good. And now that I'm not a cop, you can tell me about your jobs, hmm?"

Amanda grinned, "After the birth, I should take you with me. Joe would love that."

Donna burst out laughing. "Oh, I'm sure! Turn from cop to mother to burglar in a short nine years. Who would have thought?" She quieted a little, "Seriously, though, I don't know what I'm going to do after the baby's born. Work at the bar, probably."

"But you like that, don't you?" Amanda asked, leaning forward on her elbows.

She shrugged, "Most of the time. I get to be with Joe..."

"But it's not really something you want to do?"

"No, I do." She shook her head. "It's hard to explain. I've been thinking a lot lately... I just... miss being a cop, that's all, only I don't have time for it anymore. Not with the girls, and the baby too."

"You can always go back when they're a little older, can't you?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah... but I'll be older too." Donna stared down into her iced tea. "I turned 46 this summer, Amanda. By the time the kids are old enough, I'll be too old. Hell, I'm probably too old now."

"Donna, you ever think about teaching a self defense class?"

"Self defense?" She raised one eyebrow, curious. "No, I've never thought about it--why do you ask?"

Amanda shrugged, "It might help you feel more useful. That's what it is, I think. You're chaffing at being stuck at home all the time. At not being able to DO anything."

"Between that and lack of beer... Amanda, I think you're right." Donna sat back, musing. "But where would I hold it? I mean, it's not like Mac has the dojo anymore..."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm sure Duncan knows somebody... he still has to train someplace. I'll ask him tonight." Amanda grinned, "I should teach you to swordfight too, while I'm teaching Belinda."

Donna's eyes grew wide, and she smiled, almost mischievously. "I'd really like that," she said. "It would scare the crap out of Joe... but I like it. As long as you can wait a month or two to start."

"Wonderful!" Amanda exclaimed, "Duncan would be so proud of me!"

"Proud?"

"He's never seen me practice. I'm fairly certain he thinks I've only stayed alive out of luck." She made a noise very close to a snort.

"Any man who thinks that is a dead man." Donna nodded confidently. "Well, unless he's MacLeod."

Laughing, Amanda nodded, "Or most of the men we know."

"True. I have no doubt that my Joe doesn't doubt your ability to fight." Donna smiled. "It's good to have you back, Amanda."

"I can honestly say it's good to be back, Donna." Amanda grinned at her.

You're making things happen while I'm relaxing like a Sunday afternoon...

2004-08-29T02:44:38Z

Nathan stopped by, bringing gifts for the girls (and probably checking up on me as well). If the expressions on the girls' faces weren't so adorable, I'd claim he was spoiling them.

I'm really grateful that he's been like an uncle to Jessie and Melody. With Darren in Seattle... I need Nathan here.

And now, time for a nap. It's almost sad, I need more sleep than the girls do.

"Donna!" Nathan yelled, juggling two large boxes. His hands were full, and thus couldn't knock on the door. Instead, he settled for kicking the bottom, and bellowing Donna's name.

"Give me a minute!" Donna hoisted herself out of the living room chair, almost tripping over the Barbie Dreamhouse set up on the floor. "Jessie! Melody! Uncle Nathan's here!" Two pairs of little feet followed her to the front door.

"I wanna let Uncle Nathan in!" Jessie whined, jumping up and down in front of the door.

"You got him first last time!" Melody cried back.

Shaking her head, Donna reached over both of them and opened the door. "I've got it--Hey, Nathan, how are you?"

"Just fine, Donna," Nathan grinned, leaning over the box he was carrying to drop a kiss on her cheek. "Hey girls!" he exclaimed, "I've got gifts for you, but you can't have them until you both give me hugs and kisses!"

Both of the girls giggled, launching themselves at his legs, trying to jump up to kiss him. Meanwhile, Donna chuckled, "Girls, girls, why don't we let Uncle Nathan inside first?" She turned to Nathan, "Here, let me get one of those."

"The yellow wrapped one is for Jessie, and the purple is for Melody." He handed the boxes over, then, laughing, launched himself at the girls, scooping them both up and over his shoulders.

"We'll open them in the living room." Donna followed them into the other room, setting each box down on the coffee table. They were a little heavier than she predicted, and she rested one hand on her stomach.

"Can we open them now, Mommy?" Melody asked, playing with the ends of the paper.

"Please, Mommy? Please?" Jessie looked up, brown eyes pleading.

"I don't know, that's up to Uncle Nathan." Donna looked over at him for confirmation.

Nathan grinned, "Well, I haven't gotten my kisses yet... and you both have to promise to share."

Melody climbed up into his lap, planting a kiss on his cheek. "I promise, Uncle Nathan, I swear!"

"Me too!" Jessie followed her twin, hugging Nathan close.

He hugged them both back, then set them on the floor. "Go for it, girls," he smiled. Instantly, they tore open the wrappings, revealing one box full of dress up shoes, and the other with dress up clothes.

As the girls giggled, showing each other their new treasures, Donna cleared her throat and said, "Now, what do you say to Uncle Nathan?"

Smiling, the girls chimed in unison, "Thank you!"

Jessie looked up at Donna. "Mommy, can we play dress up now?"

"Absolutely. Just do me a favor, and put Barbie's Dreamhouse away for me, okay?" Donna smiled a little.

"Okay! Come on, Melody," Jessie practically dragged her sister down the hall.

Nathan grinned, watching them bring their things to the playroom. Then he turned to Donna, "And how are you doing?"

She sighed, flopping down on the couch. "I'm exhausted all the time now."

"That's because you're pregnant," he teased.

"No shit, Sherlock." She shrugged, looking down at her stomach. "I mean, I can't even run the bar for a few hours anymore, even if Joe's there. It wasn't this bad, last time."

"Isn't it supposed to get easier, the second time?" Nathan asked, rubbing a shoulder for her.

"Yeah, well, I was younger last time." Donna squeezed his hand, "And they warned me it might be difficult."

Nathan nodded, "You're keeping up with your doctor visits, right?" he asked, remember how she used to try and weasel her way out of them when she was pregnant with the girls.

"You think Joe would let me do otherwise?" Donna shook her head. "He's been watching me like a hawk, you know. He tries to be here as much as he can, but someone's got to run the bar..."

"Maybe he should look into hiring some extra help... I mean, he's still got the Watchers to think about, and once the baby's here, you'll need to be home..."

"Maybe, we have been getting a lot of business lately." She chuckled. "Technically I'm on maternity leave, so I'm not supposed to be working anyway, but with our other bartender on vacation... you get the picture."

"Yeah," Nathan nodded. "Want me to get you anything? I'll watch the girls, if you need some time alone, you know."

"What I need is sleep, and unfortunately the girls aren't the ones keeping me awake these days. But I may take you up on that offer..." Donna glanced down at her stomach, and then up at Nathan. "God, I'm being a horrible hostess. Do you want something to drink or anything?"

"Sure, but I'll get it. It's not like I don't know where everything is. You want something?" Nathan asked, standing and stretching a little.

"Ideally? A beer. But since I can't, there should be some lemonade in the fridge." Donna stood, albeit slowly, and followed Nathan into the kitchen.

"Lemonade it is," he grinned. Fishing around in the far cabinet, he pulled down two glasses, and poured the lemonade. "Hey, do you still have those lemon cookies I like so much?"

"There should be some in the cabinet, if Joe didn't eat them all." She smiled, "I buy them for the two of you to fight over, you know."

Nathan chuckled, looking around in the cabinet for the cookies. "Hah!" he exclaimed, victorous. "I better finish these before Joe gets home," he smirked.

"Go ahead, have fun." Donna chuckled, "You've got a good 20 minutes before he'll be here. Unless he gets out early..."

Snickering evilly, Nathan took the cookies and cold drinks back to the table, sitting across from Donna. "Oh, they'll be finished way before that."

She giggled, accepting the glass. "Thanks. So, what's been going on with you, beyond spoiling my girls?"

"Just getting ready for the school year to start. Mark and I have been hashing out lesson plans." He looked over at her from across the cookie in his hands, "He'd coming over for dinner tomorrow, you and Joe and the girls should come too."

"Sounds like a plan to me, if Joe can leave the bar for the night." Donna raised one eyebrow, "Are you sure you want to have all of us over? I can probably get a babysitter for the girls..."

"Only if it's not too hard to get her. Otherwise, I've got enough stuff to keep the girls occupied at my place," he grinned.

"So I've noticed. Do the Barbies seem to breed in your apartment like they do here?"

"Like rabbits," he chuckled. "I found five, yesterday, when I cleaned."

"Joe finds them at the bar. We take bets on which one of the girls it belongs to."

Nathan laughed, "Does it really matter?"

Donna laughed with him, "To me, no, but to them it does." She quieted. "You know what I hope, Nathan?"

"What, Donna?"

"That the baby looks like Joe." She rubbed her stomach. "It'll mean a lot to him. He's so enthralled with the idea of children..."

Nathan smiled softly, "It will," he said. "Look at the girls... they all have Joe's eyes."

"Melody acts like him, a little." Donna smiled softly. "I pulled out some old pictures of him, when he was little--do you want to see them?"

Nathan nodded, "Hell yeah. I mean, he was my boss, of course I want to see blackmail pictures."

"No, these are cute Joe-as-a-baby pictures." She giggled, getting up to get an old photo album on the counter. "And his senior portrait from high school, and some shots of him playing football."

"Right! Blackmail!"

"Hey, we all had bad hair in high school. I mean, I had the Farrah Fawcett thing going on for a while." Donna opened the album. "See this one? His sister gave it to me, when we visited her in Chicago just before the wedding. He was... three years old, maybe?" She examined the photo closely. "He was adorable. Still is."

"Awh, what a cute kid," Nathan grinned.

She sighed happily. "I feel so lucky for this... all of this. Even when I'm complaining."

"Nothing wrong with a little whining, sometimes," Nathan said with a soft smile.

I've got to make my life make sense... (After the gap)

2004-08-20T16:31:18Z

I'm in a weird mood today. Part of me is homesick and nostaglic and wondering where the hell time went, because it certainly doesn't seem like nine years since I met Joe and started this crazy ride. I mean, we'll be married for six years in December. Where did the time go?

I watch Jessie and Melody and I can't believe that they're going to be five years old this November. Joe keeps saying how much the two of them look like me, and I have to admit he's right. Of course, it would be nice not to trip over Barbie's Dreamhouse every time I walk into the living room, but it still remains kinda cute.

And then, of course, there's the baby. Just shy of two months from now and we'll have our little boy. We still have to pick a name of course--why would we have done that already, honestly?--and set up the nursery... but I'm looking forward to it. Being able to drink beer and see my feet will be lovely.

On the other hand, I have this great life here, but I do miss the States, Seacouver, home. My family and my old life--my cop life. Maybe someday I can have it back.

*sigh* It seems like a lot of our old friends are getting back in touch again. Maybe Adam (or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days) will stop by... I sent him a postcard to Alaska and he never wrote back, the bastard.

On another note, I should call Nathan. I need him to watch the girls for me.

All the more I want, all the more I need, all the while you want something more... (Private)

2004-08-20T16:18:14Z

From Donna's journal, March 7, 2001

I don't believe I'm going to do this. A year ago, hell, six months ago, I couldn't see myself doing this.

The reality of it all is that I just can't do everything, and something's got to give. I'm living a dream right now, and if I have to sacrifice one dream for another, I'm willing to do it.

Joe's going back to Paris soon, and I have every intention of going with him. Our family will go with him--the girls, our beautiful twins, are four months old now, and we could adjust to the move easy enough. We'll resurrect Le Blues Bar and have Mike run the one here in Seacouver, we'll get a house there, it'll be perfect.

But between my family, the bar, and the police... I can't do it all. Even if we weren't going to Paris, I can't keep up with it. So tomorrow I give my two weeks notice. It's going to be one of the hardest days of my life...

Jessie and Melody are asleep, finally. I'm going to wait up for Joe, tell him my decision. He won't like it, I'm sure, he'll think I'm doing this for him, but he'll let me do it. I have to...

But heartache and misery ain't nothing but a tragedy... (Filtered: Joe, Nathan only)

2004-08-11T15:39:11Z

My poor Nathan. My poor, poor Nathan...

I can't believe Will just took off on him. If Will was going to stay around for anyone, it should have been Nathan. And part of me thinks it was my fault, for bringing up the kidnapping, for trying to find what I'm pretty sure happened...

We talked for a while, Nathan and I, and he managed to convince me that he'd be all right, spending the night at his apartment. I offered the guest room, but I guess Nathan didn't want to wake Joe.

I'm worried about him. Really worried. Call it the over-reacting big sister in me.

The grip around his duffle bag was so tight, his knuckles had turned white ages ago. Nathan struggled to keep from shaking as he knocked on Joe's door, harder than he meant to.

The sound of knocking at the front door roused Donna from her sleep. Yawning, she climbed out of bed, leaving Joe to his sleep, pulling on one of Joe's flannel shirts before heading downstairs.

"Hold on a minute, I'm coming," she grumbled sleepily as she reached the door, missing the peephole from her apartment dearly. "Who is it?"

"Donna? It's Nathan. It's important." His voice contained barely controlled fury, and Nathan shifted, to still a nervous tick.

She opened the door at the sound of his voice. "Nathan, come inside. What happened?" Donna didn't like how off balance he seemed, and she was starting to get worried.

"I'm sorry Donna, I didn't mean to wake you, especially since I know Joe just got home..." Nathan paced a few steps, then spun to look at her. "Will and I broke up."

"Oh, Nathan..." Donna laid a hand on his arm. "Don't worry about Joe, he's sound asleep upstairs. Come on, we can talk in the living room." She led him down the hall a little ways to the living room and guided him to the couch. "You want something to drink?"

"Something harder than coffee, please." Nathan dropped his bag, then fell onto the couch. "I don't think I ever want to touch the stuff again," he muttered under his breath.

Donna nodded her understanding. "I've got just the thing." She left the room for a few minutes, returning with two steaming mugs and a small bottle of Bailey's. "Hot chocolate and Bailey's. Good enough to calm you down and not enough alcohol to get you drunk. I used to drink it at work a lot."

"Thanks Donna," Nathan said softly, wrapping his hands around the warm mug. He looked over to her, sitting next to him on the couch, "I fucking hate this."

"I know," she said soothingly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Sighing, Nathan took a sip of his drink, looking down at his hands. "Remember how I told you I was thinking about quitting the Watchers?" He waited for her nod before continuing. "Well, I did that today, met Joe at the bar and all." There was a small snort of laughter, "He wouldn't let me quit. Put me on inactive duty instead. In case I change my mind, he said." Nathan shook his head, getting back to the story, "Well, I came back, and Will was sitting there, nearly finished packing, all his stuff up in boxes. So I called him on it."

"I would have called him on it, too," Donna said quietly. "What did he say?

The anger was back now, "That he needed to leave. Needed to hide out or some shit like that. To protect me."

"Protect you from what?" Donna asked, a sinking feeling growing in her stomach. "From the Watchers?"

"He wouldn't tell me!" In an effort not to slam down his cup, Nathan stood again, pacing around the small living room. "I keep thinking it has something to do with the kidnapping, but he wouldn't say, just kept telling me this was the way it had to be."

She closed her eyes, staring down into her mug. "You don't want to know what I think about that, Nathan."

Nathan turned to look at her, "You know something." It wasn't a question.

Donna looked up at Nathan, trying to fight the tears in her eyes. "I talked to Will about the kidnapping," she admitted quietly.

"You did?" Most of the anger had faded, seeing Donna's tears. He sat back down, "Donna, what happened?"

"His story didn't make any sense." Donna shook her head, trying to stay calm. If she became upset, then Nathan would be upset, she just knew it. "Nathan... Will has friends in Watcher Internal Affairs, and it was them who took him. He said they took him to execute him..." She shook her head. "If they wanted him dead, they would have just done it."

Nathan closed his eyes. "He was lying to us. I thought so."

"You did?" She looked up, surprised. "Nathan, I thought he might have been a spy... but I didn't think he turned anyone in. You, especially. He... he just got mad at me. Told me to get out, that I wasn't his friend."

"Will doesn't take mistrust easily." Leaning back on the couch, Nathan sighed heavily. "Even if he was, Donna, I don't care. He told me he loved me, and he never would have said that if he didn't mean it."

"I know." Donna took a sip of her drink. "Trust me, Nathan, I know. I just... I wanted answers, and I still don't have them."

She looked up, "But if he loved you, wouldn't he stay with you?"

"That's what I thought, too."

Donna set down her mug on the coffee table and laid a hand on Nathan's shoulder. "Nathan, I'm... I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, and you know this isn't how I thought it would end..."

"No, Donna," Nathan said softly, looking at her, "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, I suppose. I'm just so angry."

"And you've got every right to be angry." She eyed the duffel bag on the floor by Nathan's feet. "You staying the night?"

Nathan snorted, "No, that's the stuff I grabbed from Will's. I just left."

Donna looked over him carefully, seeing the pain written there. "You okay, Nathan?"

"No."

She reached out to catch him in a hug. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

The physical contact seemed to undo him, and he clutched at her. "Donna, he let me leave," Nathan whimpered softly.

Rubbing his back, she answered, "I know he did. And maybe he'll come back... but he left you, Nathan. It'll be him who has to apologize, this time."

The tears had finally managed to free themselves, as Nathan lost his self control and could no longer lock them away. Trying not to weep uncontrollably, he shifted slightly, burying his face against her shoulder. "He's not going to. He's going to finish packing, then walk away. I know he will."

She held him close, trying to offer what comfort she could and knew it wasn't enough. "It's not that easy to say goodbye, Nathan. He'll be back."

"Not Will. He'll leave because that's what he decided to do, and he's too stubborn to do anything else." Tears leaked from tightly closed eyes, and Nathan sniffled.

Resting her head against his, Donna rocked Nathan back and forth softly to soothe him. Nathan knew Will better than she did, and she was at a loss for words, not knowing how to comfort him with them. So she held him tighter, letting him know she was there to listen if he wanted to talk. "I didn't think Jeremy would come back either," she finally said, "and he did. Don't count it out just yet, and don't pin all of your hopes on it either. Worry about yourself now, that's all you can do."

It's time that will tell this tale... (Private: Joe only)

2004-08-04T15:26:21Z

What the fuck. I've lost a friend and it's not sitting well with me. It wasn't supposed to be like this...

I hadn't meant to piss Will off. I just... I had to know why he was taken by the Watchers. That, when he got everyone else to back off on the subject, I wouldn't stand down so quickly. But I slipped into bad cop mode so fast... I backpedaled, hard, towards the end, but it didn't help.

But his story's not making sense. He's got friends in Internal Affairs. And if the Watchers planned to execute him, wouldn't they have taken him out back at dawn and blown his brains out, like they planned to do to Joe? Gotta love tradition... I'm not going to claim that I know everything about the Watchers, but... too many questions are left unanswered. Will might not know the answers exactly, but I'll bet he's got an idea. Hell, maybe he just hasn't admitted the truth to himself.

I called Andy about it. I've never had to confront a friend on a case before, and I wanted the opinion of another cop, a friend who's far from involved in all this. "It'll be what it is, Matthews," he said. "Trust your instincts. It's what you've always done best." Andy then proceeded to tell me dirty jokes until I laughed, but still.

Why does trusting my instincts hurt so much?

And to top it off, I still have no idea how I'm going to tell this to Nathan. I can't bear to see him hurt...

I've never been so lost, I've never felt so much at home...

2004-08-01T01:22:21Z

I haven't been home enough. Just seeing Darren and Andy... I almost miss Seattle. Even with the friends I have here, and the memories have waiting for me there, it's still the place I grew up. It's... different, introducing Joe to another part of my life.

I knew he and Andy wouldn't see eye to eye. Most people don't, where Andy is concerned. It'll only be a matter of time before Andy shows his serious side to Joe, I'm sure of it.

“So, Matthews,” Andy began as he walked into the kitchen, beer in hand. Donna glanced over her shoulder as he entered, smiling at her oldest friend. Even with the changes time had brought, she could still see traces of the college student she had met nearly 20 years before.

“So, Andy,” she echoed, leaning back against the counter. “Is this the part when you ask me about Joe?”

He chuckled. “Did they teach you ESP at the Seacouver PD?”

“No, I just know you too well.”

“Yeah, well, he’s your first in seven years. Forgive a guy for being curious.” Andy’s voice was low, his rare serious side showing through. “For starters, why the cane? That can’t be a pretty injury he’s hiding.”

“It’s not.” Sighing, Donna started peeling the label of her beer bottle absentmindedly. “He stepped on a land mine in Vietnam. He was 18 at the time…”

Andy quieted, staring down into his beer. “Shit,” he said. “It took both of his legs out?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit,” he repeated. “Just like you, though, to see past it.”

She looked up, smiling softly. “Of course. Joe’s a good man, a great man. I know that what he feels is real, what *I* feel is real.”

His eyes met hers, his gaze seeming to burn into her. “You sure about that?”

“I know I am.” Donna paused, searching for the right words. “I’ve seen him at his best, and I’ve seen him at his worst. He’s nothing like Jeremy… I know he’s not going to leave me like Jeremy did.”

“You’ve gotta forgive me for playing devil’s advocate, but you’ve said that before…”

“I’m not wrong.” Donna’s voice grew stronger. “Andy… in a few years, I can see us getting married. It’s… different, this feeling.”

Andy’s face contorted into a mock frown. “But I thought you were going to marry me!”

“Only if I’m 40, drunk, and desperate.”

“Oh, come on, I’d be a better husband than that.”

Donna just shook her head. “That’s not the point, Andy.”

“Aw, you love me, Matthews.”

“Yeah, unfortunately enough.”

“And you missed me.”

“I could have used your cop skills, yes.”

He laughed. “Maybe I should transfer to Seacouver and keep you company.”

“I think Joe might object to that,” Donna said, laughing with him.

Andy shrugged. “I’ll consider it an occupational hazard.”

And I can't look into the street without everything changing... (Private Post)

2004-07-07T03:30:01Z

Honestly... I can't do this anymore. I should have moved on years ago.

Maybe, if I give him back the ring, it'll stop haunting me so. And maybe I can get a decent night's rest...

Donna tossed and turned, her mind in turmoil… try as she might, she couldn’t keep her imagination from blending with reality…

The aisle was long, a lot longer than she remembered. Every step she took seemed more difficult than the last, as if something was trying to stop her from reaching the altar. But… she knew this was right. Nothing was going to stop her from completing the ceremony this time through.

He was waiting for her, smiling, holding his free hand out to help her up the last few steps while his other hand had a firm grip on his cane. Looking down at her, he asked, “Are you ready for this?”

“Of course.” Inside she was shaking, but she didn’t want to let her fear show. She wasn’t afraid of him, of marrying him, or of their future together. She was afraid of the ceremony itself, but that part would all be over soon. “I love you, you know that.”

He only smirked instead of answering. The priest, a blurry form a few feet away, started talking, but she couldn’t hear his words. She knew the things the priest should have said, the traditional ceremony, but something wasn’t right…

Suddenly the priest’s voice boomed throughout the church, practically screaming, “If anyone can show just cause why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace!” The words echoed, reverberating in her ears. She wanted to press her hands against her ears, blocking out the sound, but he held her hand tight, keeping her from moving.

She looked up at him, her heart frozen in panic. This would be the part where she was abandoned the last time. This was the point she was afraid of the most…

His eyes glinted evilly. His face contorted into a sneer, a sinister laugh, and then morphed into the face of her former fiancé, the one who had given her this fear to begin with. Both of them were laughing at her, taunting her, teasing her with the possibility of a dream come true…

Her feet moved of her own volition. She backed away from him, her mind completely and utterly blank, and as if she was flying she ran away from the altar and out of the church…

With a gasp, Donna sat up in bed, her heart pounding in her chest. Next to her, Joe stirred, but didn’t wake.

She stared at his face for a long moment, trying to erase the image of Jeremy out of her mind. Joe would never hurt her like that. It wouldn’t happen again—she had to believe that. If she didn’t, she’d lose Joe, she’d lose everything.

Quietly, trying not to disturb Joe, Donna slipped out of the bed and made her way into the kitchen, making herself a cup of hot chocolate in an attempt to calm herself down. The memory flooded back to her, and she knew that if she didn’t face it soon, it would do nothing but rule her for the rest of her life…

Donna stood at the end of the aisle, her arm looped through her father’s, drawing a deep breath before taking the first step towards the rest of her life. She knew this was the right decision to make; as corny as it sounded, she had secretly dreamed of this moment for a long time. She wanted a family of her own, more than she was willing to admit.

Jeremy looked on as Donna advanced, the sweat beading up on his brow…he didn’t want to take his eyes off her, but at the same time his eyes were being tugged at from across the aisle. He knew her eyes were on him, drilling a hole through his skull, trying to snag his glance, and it was that pull that pushed doubts into his mind…

Grinning, Donna stepped up next to Jeremy, letting her father push back her veil and plant a quick kiss on her cheek as he placed her hand in Jeremy’s. Biting her bottom lip as she smiled, she whispered softly, “Well, this is it.”

He grinned in response, the knot in his stomach threatening to burst through his side to leave a bloody mess on the floor…oh, this was a mess already, all right. The priest began to talk, and Jeremy hated to admit that he wasn’t listening, not when it would be all over so soon anyway.

Noticing his tension, Donna gripped Jeremy’s hand to calm him a bit, blaming his actions on nervousness more than anything else. Anyone would be nervous on their wedding day; she was a little nervous too, but her excitement for the moment seemed to balance all of that out.

He nearly shoved her hand off; she was always so doting, so devoted…so…smothering. He needed air. Now.

The priest continued on, reaching the line, “Speak now and forever hold your peace.” Donna just smiled, unconcerned; who would stop their wedding, after all?

Jeremy closed his eyes, trying to keep his mouth shut though it felt like all it held were live piranhas. “I can’t do this, Don.”

It was a moment before Donna answered, the words not registering. “What?” she managed to whisper. “What do you mean, you can’t do this?”

“I just…” he shook his head. “I can’t.” Tearing his eyes from Donna, he gave into the possessive stare of the Maid of Honor.

Donna followed Jeremy’s eyes, looking over at Lily, her childhood best friend. “What’s going on here?” she asked, her voice both demanding and begging.

“You have to ask?” He gestured helplessly with his hands, “Come on, Don. Lily and I…are sorry for this.”

“Sorry? You’re sorry?” Tears filled her eyes, and she could see her younger brother Darren clench his fists together. “How long has this been going on? Why? Jeremy, why the hell would you ask to marry me if you had no intention of doing it?”

“I hate to be bluntly truthful, but that was over a year ago…and how could I just break it off with you after we’ve been together so long? Then I realized…now…that leading you on was cruel…”

“And this is the only way you could think of to tell me.” A tear streaked down her cheek, and she couldn’t meet Jeremy’s gaze.

Jeremy was glad she didn’t try to meet his gaze because he didn’t want to meet hers. Now that Lily held his gaze, she wasn’t about to let go.

Reaching back behind her, Donna pulled the veil up over her face, not wanting the more than 200 people in the church to see her cry. “So, what are you going to do now?” she whispered.

“Well…nothing more can be said, so…” Jeremy took Lily’s eagerly awaiting hand, beginning to walk, faster and faster as she trotted along behind him, like an ever faithful dog.

Donna vaguely felt her knees give way, fainting realizing that it was Darren who caught her as she fell slowly to the ground. Suddenly she knew what it felt like to realize the destruction of a dream…

Donna shook her head, as if she was trying to erase the memory from her mind. She wouldn’t let it happen again.

She couldn’t let it happen again.

Oceans to drown in, you won't make a sound... (Filtered post--Joe and Adam only)

2004-07-06T00:02:03Z

I feel so much better when I'm working.

After watching the videotape from outside Will's apartment for the millionith time, Donna decided to take a break, letting her eyes readjust from their intense focus on the television screen. Without much else to go on at the moment, Donna picked up her cell phone and dialed Adam's number, thinking that maybe he had seen something in the tape that she had missed.

"Pierson." Adam answered as he picked up the phone and strode back over to his desk.

"Hey, Adam, it's Donna." Donna leaned back into her couch, trying to get comfortable. "You got a few minutes to talk?"

"I have days, months, years. Talk away Donna, I assume I know what the subject is." Adam sat down and started poking through his papers again.

She smirked to herself. "You gave Joe that video of Will."

Adam gave up on the sheaf of papers in front of him and opened a new folder. "Yes I did."

"And you don't have any idea as to the identity of the other man in the video? Joe said something about him being a Watcher?

"He is, he was a new student at the Academy in France when I was just finishing up there. I'd have his name already but the Watchers are a little... well they're not that organized." Adam flipped a few pages and sighed. "I'd recognize him again but that makes finding him a little tricky."

"What, no yearbook for the Watchers?" Donna sighed into the phone. "I was hoping you could identify him. Getting a hold of this guy would most likely lead us straight to Will."

"No yearbook no." Adam laughed. "They like to watch, but being watched, or identified? Definitely not. I've been going through my notes from my last year there, in case he earned a mention. I do remember him being a little ass."

Donna chuckled in spite of the situation. "Well, it's a start, at least. I was about to ask Joe to pull all the records from that year, but I'm not even sure he could get them at all, with how screwed up the Watchers are right now."

"Precisely. I don't think drawing any extra attention from the Watchers would be a good idea, especially if they're involved in this." Adam frowned. "The organization has never been above snatching one of their own. Though why they'd grab Snow I have no idea, he's a model agent." This last was said with only a slight trace of sarcasm.

Donna noticed the sarcasm, but didn't say anything about it. "I'll agree about not calling attention to ourselves, I don't think that's a good idea at all. The answer to everything is probably in why they grabbed Will at all... even Nathan can't give me an idea about that one."

"Well since I'm not about to go knocking on the door of the North American headquarters, we'll have to do a bit more digging." Adam sighed.

"We always have to do more digging."

"Great." Adam grumbled.

She went to shake her head, but then realized that Adam couldn't see her. "Trust me, I'm kind of used to it by now. Just... wish I had some better news to give Nathan,
that's all."

"Look at it this way," Adam offered, "you have something. That's better than you had a few days ago."

"True, and I appreciate it, Adam. Really."

"Well I wasn't about to toss the tape. Might as well put the equipment to good use." Adam finished going through the file in front of him and picked up another.

"You know I want to know why you were watching Will to begin with... but I also know you have no intention of telling me."

"Let's just say I didn't trust him. I've got a long history of paranoia, hard habit to break." Adam said softly.

She picked up on the use of the word "didn't," but thought it better not to say anything. "Will's paranoid too," she answered softly, "and I don't want anything to happen to him. I'll find him, Adam. I promise."

"I wish you luck. If I can dig up this guy's name I'll give you or Joe a call."

"Thanks, and I appreciate it."

"Oh, and the cameras are still rolling on Snow's place, if anyone drops by..." Adam let the offer hang without finishing.

"... You'll be sure to call me, right?" Donna finished for him.

"Right." Adam agreed. "This whole 'helping other people' thing is getting to be a bad habit for me."

She laughed. "I won't tell a soul about this. It'll be our little secret--can't let people think you're a softie, after all."

"That is a comfort." Adam laughed.

"Hey, I do what I can. Usually it isn't much..."

Adam laughed a bit more. "Right then, goodbye Donna. Say hi to Joe for me and tell him I promise to start drinking the bar dry again very soon."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be thrilled." She laughed with him. "Talk to you later, Adam."

It's a good year for a murder... she's praying to Jesus, she's pulling the trigger...

2004-07-02T13:23:07Z

Well, never expected any of this...

At least I can take care of the first part. It's easy, knowing what you need to do, just waiting for the information to take you to the next step. We'll find him, Nathan, I'm sure of it.

Nathan trudged up the stairs to Donna’s apartment, trying to keep himself from falling into an all out panic. Will was still missing, Mike kept calling him, and Nathan had no idea what to do. So he did the safest thing. He ran to Donna.

Hearing a knock at the door, Donna looked up sharply from the paperwork she was working on in the living room. Not expecting company, she went to the door, curious, looking through the peephole before opening it. “Nathan!” she exclaimed, surprised, holding the door open for him to walk inside. “I had no idea you would be coming over.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, Donna,” Nathan ran his hand through his hair, pulling the long strands away from his eyes. He looked up at her, balefully, “Will’s missing.”

“What?” Her jaw nearly dropped. “Come in, tell me what happened. How long has he been gone?”

“I don’t know… a couple days?” He sighed, dropping down into a chair. “I don’t know anymore. I can’t even keep track.”

Donna hugged him quick, trying to calm him down. “You should have reported it by now,” she said gently, “if Will’s been gone for that long. Tell me what you can, I’ll see what I can do.” Looking down at him worriedly, Donna offered, “You want something to drink, to eat? Joe made food somewhere, there’s beer, ice cream…”

He shook his head, “I don’t think I could keep anything down. I feel sick. Donna, I don’t know anything. I already talked to Matt and Dana to see if he was there, but he hadn’t and the note he left me said he was just going to drop off some paperwork and then he wanted togo for a drive and he didn’t say when he’d be back but he wouldn’t have left he’d have come home for me and I don’t know what happened to him!” He stopped, blinking up at her, “Sorry,” he muttered, “I’m a little upset.”

“You’ve got every right to be upset,” she soothed, running a hand through his hair. “Just breathe, think. Do you know what his license plate is? If we find the car, we’ll have a place to start. He dropped the paperwork off to Matt, right?” All thoughts of her previous work had been erased from her mind; all that mattered now was helping Nathan, the man who had become like Donna’s own brother.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “Matt said he was going to go through their security camera’s and see if there was anything there. And he must have taken his car out before going over there, because it was gone when I went to his place.” Nathan took a deep breath, knowing that if he panicked, he’d be no help to Donna at all.

“Good, good, that’s a start.” Donna nodded her head encouragingly, trying to keep Nathan from panicking too much. She needed him to stay calm, in order to make sure she had all of the facts straight. Rubbing his back, she asked softly, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything you need, anything at all?”

Nathan stayed quiet for a moment, looking down at the table. He was over thinking again, and he knew it, but he didn’t know what else to do. “Donna?” he asked quietly, “do you think he left me?”

She took his hands in hers. “I don’t think he’d do that, not without saying anything,” she answered reassuringly, keeping her voice quiet. “Will loves you, Nathan. You have to believe that.”

“I don’t know what I’d rather think… Either he left, or something happened to him. And he wasn’t happy with Mike back in town…” he trailed off, looking up at her, “I had just told him I wanted to talk to Mike. He wasn’t comfortable with that, I know…”

“I can see him being uncomfortable, but he’s got to know that you aren’t going to leave him.” Donna’s voice dropped a little bit lower, “Mike did the same thing to you that Jeremy did to me. All you want is closure, and I’m sure Will understands that. And I know you don’t want to think about either situation, but let me see what I can find, and then we can figure out what to do from there.”

He let out a loud breath, nodding slightly. “Alright. I can do this. We’ll find something right?” He sounded slightly needy, and he cringed internally at the sound of his voice.

Donna pulled him into a tight hug. “Of course we will. I’m not giving up until I do—are you giving up?”

“Not on Will,” he replied, fiercely, hugging her back. “You’re right, he told me he loved me, and that’s not something Will would say if he didn’t really mean it.”

“Exactly.” Pulling back a little so Donna could see Nathan’s face, she managed a small smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll find out what happened. Are you sure you don’t want something to eat, something to drink? Joe made stir fry, there should still be some left if you want it.”

Matching her smile, he laughed lightly, “You keep asking that. Do I look starved?”

“Well, you’re like me, and I know I don’t eat when I’m working, or when I’m upset, or when my mind’s distracted…” Donna shrugged. “It’s a good thing Joe’s around to keep me in check.”

“That’s what I did for Will,” he said softly, frowning a little. “Sure, something to eat would be good. I don’t think I’ve eaten since yesterday, sometime…”

Donna’s jaw dropped in mock horror. “We’ll change that.” She tugged on his hands, pulling Nathan out of the chair and into the kitchen. Opening her refrigerator, Donna mused, “We’ve got the stir fry, cold pizza, beer… and I know there’s chocolate chip cookie dough in the freezer. I bought it for Joe and he only had like, one bowl of it.”

He shook his head, “a waste of good ice cream. You better give me some,” his stomach rumbled loudly, “after I get real food,” he grinned rather sheepishly.

“Agreed. Stir fry good?” Donna moved to the cupboard, pulling out a plate and silverware for him.

“Can we make coffee?” Nathan asked, “I’ve gotten used to drinking it all the time, these days. Will drinks coffee all night, and I tend to stay up with him.” He flinched, after mentioning Will’s name. “Mike wants me to me go out to dinner,” he said, changing the subject.

Starting the coffee, Donna glanced sideways at him. “Dinner? You don’t have to go through all of that. Why don’t you just meet him for coffee or something? Talk and get it over with, if that’s what you want to do.”

“That’s what I’m thinking. I’d rather not have to sit with him for a whole dinner. I think he’s expecting more than I’m willing to give him.” Nathan watched her warm the food, leaning back against the countertop. “I don’t want to make this an all night affair.”

“Then don’t. Don’t let him push you into anything you don’t want to do.” Shaking her head, Donna handed Nathan the food as well as the silverware. “Trust me, that’s one thing I’ve learned over the years. Hard lesson, but I think it’s worth it.”

“I know,” he nodded. He brought the plate over to the table, kicking out the chair next to him, so Donna could sit. “He’s just always been… more forceful than I ever was.”

“Want me to punch him? Come with you for protection?” Donna sat beside him, bringing over two cups of coffee with her. “You’ve grown up a lot since then, Nathan. I’m sure you can handle it.”

“I don’t think I’d mind if you were around… Will was supposed to go with me, but… yeah,” he trailed off. “But it might be better if I go alone. Mike and I have things to talk about…” He sipped at his coffee, thankful for the warmth seeping into his hands.

“I’m sure there is. Only you know when it’s going to be too much for you. And you know, if you need me for anything, you know I’m here.”

“I know. And I’ve got your number, if I need you to come and save me,” he smiled slightly, poking at the last bit of food in his plate.

“Of course. That’s what big sisters are for, right?” Donna answered, grinning.

A few moments later, the door to the apartment opened, and Joe walked in, throwing his car keys on the kitchen counter. Giving Donna a quick kiss, he said, “Nathan, certainly didn’t expect to see you here tonight. How’ve you been?”

“Actually, not to good. Um, Will’s missing,” he said to the older Watcher. “We don’t know what happened to him.”

“Shit,” Joe cursed, shaking his head. “Damn, any idea where we might be?”

“I’m going to be working on it,” Donna reassured him. “I’m sure we’ll find out more in a couple of days, if not sooner.”

“That’s why I came here. All I was left with was a note. But he did go to Matt’s, with his car, so at least Donna has something to start with.” Nathan attempted to sound fairly optimistic, even while clutching his mug tightly in his hands.

Donna moved to stand behind him, massaging Nathan’s shoulders gently. “We’ll find him, Nathan. I just need a little time.”

Joe, watching Donna carefully, added, “I’ll see what I can find out through what Watcher channels are still clear. Won’t be much, but at least it’s something.”

“Thanks Joe,” Nathan said gratefully, leaning back slightly against Donna. “My mind keeps running through all these terrible things that might have happened. I’ve just got to keep pushing those out, right?” he looked up at Donna, needing the reassurance.

“You can’t think the worst,” she told him.

Moving to stand next to Donna, Joe rested his hand on the small of her back and looked down at Nathan. “I’m sure Donna’s been helping you keep your mind off of it,” he said wryly.

Donna smacked Joe’s arm. “I was calming him down, thank you very much. You should have seen him when he got here.”

Nathan looked at the two of them, blushing slightly, “Maybe I should go…” He stood, moving to grab his jacket.

“Nathan, I really don’t think you should be driving,” Donna said gently. “You wouldn’t let me drive upset, and I won’t let you do the same. You’re staying here.”

Joe raised one eyebrow. “Where’s he going to stay, the couch?”

“Donna, you were also very drunk, at the time. I’m sober, with coffee in me to boot. Besides,” he said softly, “I don’t want to intrude. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not intruding. And for your information, I was only slightly drunk.”

“You were drunk enough not to be able to drive, I would have rather you stayed at Nathan’s,” Joe told her. “This isn’t the same thing--”

“Yes, it is. If Nathan wants to stay, he’s more than welcome. I’d rather he stayed.” Donna looked quite determined; when it came to family, she would never back down.

“But Donna,” Nathan protested, “Joe’s right… there isn’t anywhere for me to sleep. I’ll be fine…”

“Sure you will be. And I’ll be up all night, worrying about you.” Donna leaned back against Joe while crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Nathan sighed, knowing he was beat, when Donna got that look in her eyes. “Alright Donna,” he finally agreed, “where do you want me?”

“Nathan, I think we’ve already had this conversation…”

Joe looked down at his girlfriend curiously, almost jealous. “Donna, do I even want to ask…?”

“No Joe, you don’t,” Nathan grinned, the first time he had in days.

Glad to see Nathan smiling, Donna grinned back, “Your choice either way…”

Shaking his head, Joe just said, “What did I get myself into…?”

“It’s nothing bad, I promise,” Donna said, kissing Joe’s cheek. “So, you’re definitely staying?”

“Yeah, sure, if it’ll get you to stop demanding it,” Nathan smiled at her. “But really, where am I sleeping?”

“Couch,” Joe said decisively. “Unless you’re sharing the bed with us?”

“Sounds good to me,” Donna giggled. “Maybe you should get the couch, Joe…”

“Oh, hell no.” Joe pulled her closer. “Like I said, I don’t like to share.”

Nathan eyed Donna suspiciously, “Have you been drinking?”

“No, but there’s beer in the fridge, I could be,” she suggested.

“Ah, no,” he decided, “I don’t think that would be a very good idea. You’re crazy enough as it is.” He went to pour himself a second cup of coffee, “the couch would be fine with me.”

“Couch it is, then.” Donna shrugged, wrapping an arm around Joe’s waist. “And I’m not that crazy, am I?”

“Just a little,” Joe admitted, “but that’s okay.”

And then.... God DAMN. Why did it have to be him, of all people...

There was knocking. At first, it worked it’s way into Nathan’s dream, before it got louder, and he blinked his eyes open, listening. Someone was at the door. Sitting up, he stretched and rubbed a bit of the sleep out of his eyes, before going to look through the peephole. Frowning, he went to knock on Donna’s door.

“Donna?” he called, “there’s a guy at the door, and I don’t know him…”

Hauling her body out of bed, Donna opened the door and blinked up at Nathan. “Jesus, it’s early,” she murmured, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. “Why is there someone here…”

“Because you’re loved?” Nathan joked. “Want me to answer it?”

“Somehow I doubt that.” She yawned, moving towards the door. “I’ll get it…” She moved to look through the peephole, and the man standing there caused all the color to drain from her face. Taking a step backward, Donna almost tripped into Nathan.

“What is it?” he asked, catching her. He wrapped an arm around her waist, supporting her, “Who’s there?”

“No… he can’t be here…” Her voice was shaking, her body started to tremble. Donna didn’t quite trust herself to speak.

“Don?” his voice sounded through the door, louder than she imagined. “Don, you in there?”

She didn’t want to answer the man; Donna would have recognized that voice anywhere. Shaking, she buried her face into Nathan’s shoulder, trying to block the voice and the memories it brought out of her mind. “Go away…” she whimpered weakly.

Don? Nathan thought. Jeremy? It had to be… “Donna, lets just ignore him,” he said softly, rubbing her back. “Whatever he wants, it can’t be that important…”

“Seven years… seven years, and he comes back now…” She looked up at Nathan, the tears in her eyes refusing to fall, replaced by steely determination. “Jeremy Landow is not a man who can simply be ignored.”

“Don, why won’t you answer the door?” his anguished voice came again. “I thought I heard someone in there…”

Donna grimaced. “If we answer the door, we answer it together.”

Sighing, Nathan nodded. “Alright then. Hey, maybe we should introduce Jeremy to Mike,” he joked lightly, leading her to the door.

“They’d be perfect for each other, I’m sure.” She drew a deep breath, closing her eyes and opening them again before reaching out and opening the door handle, well aware of the fact that Nathan was practically holding her up. Donna wasn’t ready to see Jeremy standing there, looking as apologetic as ever, as if the past seven years never happened.

His eyes betrayed his surprise once the door was open, “Oh Don, I didn’t know you’d found someone else.”

“Actually,” Nathan stated, his voice covered with cold steel, “I’m gay, so I couldn’t be dating Donna.” He put an emphasis on her name, the arm around her waist tightening slightly.

Jeremy smirked slightly and straightened up, as if he were trying to make himself look good. “Well, in that case Don, why didn’t you give me a hug? Long time no see, you know. We have a lot to discuss.”

“Oh, so now you want to talk.” Donna’s voice was strong, dripping with venom, even though inside she was shaking. “Funny, you seemed more interesting in running away than talking at the wedding, don’t you think?”

He took a deep breath. “That was a long time ago.”

“No shit,” Nathan stated. He was glad he hadn’t bothered to pull a shirt on, and that the recent fights with Will had driven him to the gym more than normal. He pulled himself out of his normal slouch, standing tall next to Donna, “look, I don’t think you’re really wanted here, Jeremy.”

“Oh, so you know who I am now; I’m so glad to know I’m still talked about.” His eyes leveled with Donna’s. “So if you like to talk about me so much then why won’t you talk to me, after I’ve come all this way? Please, Don…”

She drew her lips into a sneer. “Fuck you, Jeremy. You have no fucking clue how much that day ruined my life, and just when I’ve started to put everything back together, you have to show up.”

“You’ve only just started? You mean it took you that long to pull yourself out of the bar, or did someone drag you out?”

Nathan dropped his arm from around Donna, and clenched his fists, “You have no right to come here, you know,” his voice was fairly soft, but hard. “If you say anything to Donna again, I’m going to have to make sure you don’t get the chance to talk again.”

“I didn’t come here to talk to you, Princess.”

Donna took a step forward. “If you say anything else about my brother, don’t think that I won’t find my gun and do some damage to your precious assets. Let’s not forget which one of us is the better shot, considering that they’re so hard to hit…”

Jeremy clenched his jaw in rage, and his next words were carefully measured. “Don…Donna, I want to speak to you alone, if possible. I think we’re too old for a babysitter, don’t you?”

“Where I go, he goes. And don’t make me wake up my real boyfriend.” Donna stared back, her eyes narrowing.

“Don, why are you being like this? I only wanted to talk, and you and your friend here are shutting me out. Why don’t I get a chance to explain myself?”

“Oh, I thought you fleeing the church with Lily was explanation in itself, but what do I know, right? I’m just that little girl who was naïve enough to actually fall in love with you,” Donna spat. “Well, guess what, Jeremy: I’m not that little girl anymore, nor will I ever be again.”

“Her name,” Nathan growled, “is Donna. Get it right.” He grinned sardonically, “What? Did your last girl finally decide she needed a real man?”

Jeremy sneered as he lunged forward, “You son of a bitch!”

Angry men never fought well, and Nathan stepped out of the way, his own fist coming up, and slamming into Jeremy’s jaw. Nobody could say he hadn’t learned anything from watching the Immortals.

While Nathan and Jeremy were fighting, Donna slipped back from the action. She was angry now, and needless to say she’d left a few… important things in the bedroom.

Jeremy, shocked by the force of the punch, reeled back and realized he could taste the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. Nothing seemed broken… he charged the other man, catching him in the stomach and slammed him against the wall.

Grunting on impact, Nathan pulled himself up. He caught Jeremy’s fist, squeezing it in his hands, and twisted his arm around him, pulling Jeremy’s back against Nathan’s chest. Turning his body around, Nathan slammed him against the wall, pushing his head up against the hard wood.

Joe walked up to the door, a little bewildered and a little pissed. From the way Donna had stormed into the bedroom, looking for something, and the shouts he could hear from down the hall, he already had half a clue about what was happening. “Nathan, what the hell is going on?” he called, watching Nathan slam the other man into the wall.

“This… dick,” Nathan spat the word out, “is harassing Donna. I don’t think either of us wants that to happen.” Holding the struggling man still, Nathan turned his head slightly to look at Joe. “Joe, meet the ex, Jeremy.”

Donna returned to the front door, gun in hand. She wasn’t planning on doing anything stupid, it was more for show than anything, but she was so angry… She wasn’t surprised to see that Nathan had drawn blood, and was thankful that Nathan seemed unharmed. “Look, Jeremy can’t play nice for two seconds,” she sneered, standing next to Joe.

Seeing the looks between the two, Jeremy grinned in spite of his injuries, looking Joe up and down.. “This is your boyfriend? You say you’re not a little girl anymore, but Christ Don, he’s old enough to be your father, and only half a man.”

Growling loudly, Nathan slammed his head against the wall. “Watch your mouth, asshole.”

Joe hissed between his teeth, steadying himself against the doorframe, and landed a quick punch to Jeremy’s jaw. “And like you have any right to say anything about her life, jackass. You gave that up when you walked out on her, abandoned her. At least I love her, something you could never bring yourself to do.”

“Okay, Daddy” he said, using his free leg to try to hook Joe’s leg to bring him down.

Nathan watched Joe fall, rage filling his vision. He spun Jeremy around, swinging his fist around into Jeremy’s nose. Blood poured freely down the front of his shirt, and Nathan grinned, relishing the sight. His knee came up, into Jeremy’s gut, and he punched him in the stomach.

Rushing to Joe’s side, Donna pulled him up into her arms, wrapping one arm around Joe while the other one extended up towards Jeremy, the gun loaded and ready. “You,” she growled, “are such an asshole. Your fight is with me, not Joe. If you have something to say…” Her voice trailed off, and she smiled, a twisted smile. “Well, you should speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

“Want me to hold him, Donna?” Nathan asked, pinning Jeremy up by his arms. “Only thing, if you’re going to shot, warn me first? Blood’s sticky to wash off.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you plenty of warning.” Her arm tightened around Joe. “Joe’s twice the man that you are, Jeremy. And, might I add, a thousand times better in bed?”

Joe managed to smile at the compliment, in spite of the situation.

Blood dripped out of Jeremy’s nose and trickled down the wall, and he glared at her.

“Maybe it’s time for you to leave,” Joe spat as Donna helped him to his feet. She still had the gun pointed at him, her aim unwavering. “Or can you not tell when you’re not welcome?”

“Donna, you want to open the door? I’ll let this scum out.” Nathan twisted Jeremy’s arms together, pulled him away from the wall, and pushed him towards the exit.

After nodding to Joe, making sure he was all right, Donna went to the door and opened it with one sharp pull. “Get the fuck out, Jeremy, and don’t you even think about coming back here. Because trust me, I don’t need Nathan to kick your ass for me.”

Nathan shoved him out the door, “You heard the lady. Leave.” The door slammed shut behind him.

I feel sick. Just... sick. I still haven't stopped trembling. Joe's worried and pissed, Nathan's pissed, and I hope to fucking God something in Jeremy's face is broken. My doorway's covered in that bastard's blood...

I'm not going to work. I can't even get out of bed. I thought that if I saw him, I'd be ready for him...

Guess I thought wrong.

[OOC Note: Jeremy was played by my best friend Meg postitnotepunk.]

I falter as the music stops, and you watch me as I stall, and wonder when I...

2004-06-22T13:39:09Z

Went out for ice cream with Nathan, and I must admit that I've missed his company. It's been a while since we've just talked, and it was good, really good. Plus, we found out something extremely interesting--Orlando's, the Italian restaurant where I waitressed in college, is owned by Nathan's family. How crazy is that? We've probably met before and don't even know it.

Talking about the restaurant brought back a strong craving for cigarettes (don't worry, Nathan, I didn't start smoking again) but also some memories. Memories of going out drinking with Andy after work, memories of trying to show Jeremy a piece of my past and failing miserably. I haven't been back to Orlando's since then... I should go back, maybe Nathan will come with me.

And something's up with Nathan, something I hope he--and Will--will be able to handle. If they need me, I'll be here for them, all they have to do is ask.

In other news, now that Jon's home, I feel as if the son of a bitch who kidnapped him got away. I know why Adam went after Jon alone, why none of us were called, but part of me is a little... disappointed, I think. I can understand Adam trying to keep me out of harm's way, but this isn't the first killer I've encountered. I'm a homicide detective, I deal in death. An Immortal who kills for fun is no different than a mortal who does the same.

Still, another part of me wants to believe that it's over, now that Jon's back with his family, but I highly doubt that. What happened to Heidi and Meghan will happen to someone else, I know it.

The important part is that everyone I care about is safe, and I'd like to keep it that way.

And no one cares to ask me why I feel this way... (Filtered post: Nathan only)

2004-06-08T15:53:43Z

She's doing it again. Every year my mother does this, starts about a month before my birthday and continues for about a month after. As if the acknowledgement of the fact that I'm a year older is going to kill her.

The marriage talk. I swear, it must have killed her when Jeremy walked out on me. God forbid her daughter is 37, living her own life and didn't get married and settle down and give her grandkids. Darren married young, why isn't she happy with that?

Yes, I love Joe. Yes, he loves me. But we can't even decide if we're officially living together, much less about anything else. And it's still so new, I'm just trying to get used to having someone in my life again.

It's not like I didn't try to get married, because I did. And I would have gladly had his kids although, looking back on it, I should have never even contemplated the idea, but we all make mistakes, right?

Mom needs to just drop it. I love her to pieces but god, I'm not Darren. I didn't find true love right out of the gate. So sue me.

In other news, status of my cases: Standstill. I could stare at this thing for hours and nothing new pops up at me.

I need caller ID. But failing that, I'm screening my phone calls, so don't get offended if you get the answering machine.

We've never fought before...

2004-05-19T04:42:07Z

Maybe it's just me being selfish. Maybe I'm wrong in thinking that he shouldn't sit around moping all the freakin' time. But still... You'd think I would have meant more to him...

Joe doesn't have the only bar in Seacouver. I'll find something to do...

It had been a long day at the station for Donna; while, thankfully, she hadn’t been required to go on a dreaded stakeout, the piles of paperwork left over from her trip to London had been horrendous. All day she had hoped—prayed—that Joe would be in a good enough mood when she got home; she knew that she, at least, could use the night out.

She found Joe sitting at the kitchen table in her apartment, pouring over some paperwork for the bar. It looked like mostly busy work to her, nothing so important that it couldn’t wait until morning. Smiling a little, Donna took a seat across from him, reaching out to hold his hand.

Joe looked up, slightly startled. “Hey,” he greeted. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“I know.” Donna grinned at him, squeezing his hand. “What are you doing, exactly?”

“Just an order for the bar.” He shrugged, gesturing to the paperwork in front of him. “Between you and Adam, I’m always in need of more beer.”

“I’m sure we’re not that bad. Besides, we’ve all been in London, and haven’t been around to drink your beer.” Donna glanced at him, hoping to see a slight smile in his eyes.

He snorted. “Yeah, London.” Joe turned back to his paperwork, making a small note in one of the margins, and didn’t say anything more.

Donna bit her bottom lip, knowing better than anyone that the trip to London was still a touchy subject with Joe. He blamed himself for the death of Amy’s mother and the choices Amy had made, even though everyone, probably even Joe himself, knew otherwise. She couldn’t let him just sit around here, wallowing in his own self pity. “Is it something that can wait?” she asked.

“I’ve already got it started, it won’t take me long to finish.” Joe shot her a curious look. “Why do you ask?”

“Well… I was just thinking…” She took both of his hands in hers. “Maybe we could go out tonight and do something. You know, go see a movie, out to dinner, anything really, I’m not picky.”

Sighing, Joe shook his head. “I’d rather just stay in tonight. Get some work done, relax.”

Relax? Joe hadn’t relaxed since their return from London, and both of them knew it. “Joe, you can’t stay here all the time, and you know it,” Donna said quietly. “You’ve got to get out sometime.”

“I do. I work. I go to the bar.”

“That’s not what I meant, Joe. Haven’t you wanted to do something… fun for a change?”

His face grew tense, and he pulled his hands away from her. “Tell me how I’m supposed to have fun,” he said, a hint of bitterness in his voice. “Tell me how I’m supposed to have fun when she’s dead, when Amy’s still with those bastards?”

Now it was Donna’s turn to grow bitter; her thoughts were in turmoil, but she refused to let it show. Joe didn’t need her sarcasm, he needed her help… didn’t he? “You can’t let that rule your life, Joe,” she said quietly. “You weren’t responsible for what happened. There was no way you could have stopped it.”

“I could have turned myself in.”

“And then you’d be dead.” Her voice dropped in volume. “That’s not a better option, Joe, not by far.”

His hands clenched into fists, Joe shot back, “That’s not for you to say, Donna.”

“Yes, because I want to go to work one day and fight out that my boyfriend is my new case.” Sighing, Donna rested her head in her hands. “See, this is why I wanted to go out and doing something, so we can get away from all of this.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t do that.” Joe turned back to his paperwork. “At least, not yet. Just give me time, Donna.”

Time, Donna thought to herself, you’ve had years to get over this woman. And to a degree you have…

“You know what? Fine. Stay here.” Donna stood from her seat, looking down at a surprised Joe. “I’m going out.”

He reached out and caught her arm. “Not alone, you’re not. Who knows what might happen--”

She pushed his hand away, a little angrier than she had originally intended. “I’m not a child, Joe, so don’t treat me like one. I can take care of myself.”

“I’d rather you didn’t have to.”

“What? Like you will?”

It was if she’d slapped him with words. Joe looked down at the table, saying nothing as she pulled on her jacket and fumbled with her car keys. Frustration seemed to pour from her fingertips; she thought Joe would have welcomed a distraction, any distraction, but apparently Donna was not enough…

“When will you be home?” Joe called quietly to her back as she walked out the door. He sounded concerned, but not challenging her decision.

Donna waited until the door was almost closed to answer, not looking back at him. “Later.”

Cops + murder + Immortals = bad times headed my way

2004-05-17T00:18:09Z

Just between friends, I'm kind of scared of what this guy is capable of.

But just because I'm scared of him doesn't mean I'm going to let him get away with this shit. Not by far.

Adam sat at his table, a journal and a beer in front of him. He looked up as his CD skipped and frowned. He'd just gotten up to change it when a knock came at his door.

Donna puased at the front door, uncertain whether or not Adam was home, much less if he would be willing to entertain company. But she had a job to do, and he might have the information she needed about her new case. She knocked again, waiting.

He opened the door and gave her a surprised, but not displeased look. "Donna? To what do I owe the honor?" He gestured for her to enter and then shut the door behind her.

"Wish I could say this was purely a social call, but I must admit that I have some... business with you before we get to the fun stuff." Donna managed a small smile; this part of her job was never easy. "Do you have a few minutes for us to talk?"

"I assure you I wasn't doing anything pressing. But what business..." He trailed off. "I think this is going to be bad news, isn't it."

She nodded. "Unfortunately, considering that I'm a homicide detective after all." Drawing a deep breath, Donna slowly let it go. "One of your students has been killed, and I've got the case. I'm trying to get some information how who she was, what she was like..."

"Heidi..." Adam guessed.

Donna looked up, surprised. "Yes, her name was Heidi. How did you know...?"

"She missed a bunch of classes and never handed in her final paper. I'd reported it to the Dean's office, they said they were looking into it. We get a lot of drop-outs this time of year." He shrugged and sighed. "But she seemed the most likely option."

"Wait, this wouldn't be the same Heidi Richie was bitching about back when the two of you were together, would it?" Donna asked, pushing a strand of hair back from her face. "It seemed like she was pretty... infatuated by you then."

"Yes, that would be the one and only." Adam shook his head and went into the kitchen. "You on duty or would you liek a beer?"

"I'm always up for a beer and no, technically I'm off duty." She shrugged as she followed Adam into the kitchen. "Like I said, half of this is a social call. I wanted to stop by and see you anyway, we haven't talked in a while."

"I know, I've been massively out of touch. I'm sorry, I tried to reach you and Joe while you were in London..." Adam handed Donna a beer and shrugged.

Donna opened the beer with ease. "I figured you did, and it doesn't surprise me that you couldn't get through. I mean, we were watched constantly... after the first day I started ripping out the bugs, I got so sick of it."

"Good girl. Anyhow, Heidi? Dead?" Adam shook his head.

"Yeah, dead. Found her in the park this morning, fingerprints were what identified her." Donna took a sip of beer before continuing. "She had a UofSea sweatshirt on, that's when I checked the college records and found out she was in your class. But there's one thing I don't get, though."

"And that would be...?" Adam took a swig of beer and looked at her.

"Who the hell beats up a girl, stabs her to death with a Bronze Age knife, and then leaves it behind for the cops to find?"

Adam coughed and put down his beer. "knife?"

"Knife." Donna repeated. "Adam, you all right?"

"I, ah... yeah. She was beaten up?"

"Yeah, but she died from the stab wounds." Donna looked at Adam curiously. "You know something, Adam. Anything you can share with me?"

"Well... it's probably an immortal." Adam picked up his beer again and took a sip.

Donna closed her eyes. "Figures, the one type of person my form of justice probably can't touch. Any chance you might know who? Or maybe you can tell me something about this dagger, I brought pictures of it. Would have brought the real thing, but they kind of frown on taking evidence out of the station."

He held out his hand for the pictures and sighed. "There's a man in town, he's been calling my friends, approached Jon... he says he's one of my brothers."

"Shit. He went after Connor's kid?" Donna handed Adam the pictures. "I'm not going to ask about the whole brothers thing, I don't think that's important. I just want to know why Heidi specifically ended up dead."

"No, it is important, all three of my so-called brothers are dead." He looked at the pictures and shook his head. "Dead as in permanently. Headless. Gone forever."

"So then this guy's a psycho." She pulled out a notebook from her back pocket and started jotting down a few notes so she'd remember the details later. "Great, haven't had a run in with a psycho in a quite some time. I'm going to have to remember to keep my guard up."

"Yes, psycho would be the right term. I really have no idea who this guy is, but he knows more than he should." Adam flipped through the photos and came to a closeup of the hilt. "And he seems to have something..." He stood up, leaving the photos on the coffee table, and went into the bedroom.

Donna followed Adam hesititantly, not sure whether or not she should have waited for him in the living room. "Adam, what is it?"

He opened a drawer in a bedside table and pulled something out. When he turned around Donna could see he was holding a dagger. "Let me see that photo again."

She handed it to him without question, her eyes growing large at the sight of the dagger. "It looks like the one we found..."

"Yes it does, doesn't it." He looked at the photo and then at the dagger in his hand. "Exactly like."

"Adam... what does that mean?" A chill went down Donna's spine; it seemed this case was a lot more than she had bargained for. "Is it unusual to have two daggers the same age be exactly alike, here in Seacouver?"

"Pretty much so, especially since this one was a... er... gift, from the brother this man claims to be. And its twin was by his side until he died." Adam sat down on the side of his bed. "Be careful Donna. This is on of those things I told you I'd tell you about if you had to know."

Donna sat down beside him, still staring at the dagger. "Mind if I ask the past between you and your brothers? I'd like to know what I'm getting into when I have to confront this guy..."

"I'd rather not talk about it too much. But he's dangerous, if he believes himself to be my brother then he is ruthless, sadistic and he won't care how many people he has to kill. Actually, he'll do it for kicks."

Donna paled a little at this. "I'll be careful, then. This isn't your run-of-the-mill murder then." She shook her head. "You know, I actually thought my professional life would never cross paths with Immortality? At least, nothing like this..."

"He mentioned to Jon that he'd been 'distracted'. Poor Heidi must have been his distraction." Adam put the dagger back in the drawer and closed it. "Expect another missing girl... or boy. He was never choosy. They just had to be passably good looking and able to scream."

Donna closed her eyes. "I want to get to him before he gets that far. I won't let anyone else be hurt."

"Well as I said, be careful. He's going after friends of mine, people I care about. IF you're on his trail he'll be after you for certain." Adam stood up and left the bedroom.

"Great." Donna followed Adam out. "There was once a time when I lived for the thrill this would have given me..." She shook her head. "Thanks for helping me out, I really appreciate it. Just one last question though..."

"Ask away." Adam picked up his beer and took a long swallow.

"What does this son of a bitch look like? Does anyone besides Jon know? I don't think Connor and Claire would want me talking to Jon about this."

"Jon's the only one who's seen him. He said dark blond hair and a scar down his face, right side, over his eye." Adam gestured to show her. "Other than that we really don't know. My brother had a scar, and it's odd for one of us to have one, he'd have had to get it before his first death."

Donna jotted down a small drawing of what the scar would look like. "That is odd... Joe didn't tell me about that part, actually, I thought you guys didn't scar at all."

"We don't normally. But there are odd little cases... Some wounds can be so disfiguring that they take a very long time to heal. Kalas... the man after me when I met Duncan, he had one on his throat that he got after he became immortal. We can get tattoos, lucky for me or I'd have been found out a lot earlier." Adam shrugged and looked down at the Watcher tattoo on his wrist. "But if something happens before your first death, it can stay with you. And the liklihood of both my brother and this man having the same sort of scar pre-death..."

"And there's no possibility it's the same guy?"

"As far as I know no one has ever grown a new head... and I saw my brother lose his. But I'm starting to wonder if there are things even I don't know after all my years."

"Adam... if this guy's Immortal, I can't kill him. I know I can't, and my form of justice is only going to last so long." Donna's voice was hardened, determined. "When I find him... I want to make sure what happened to Heidi won't happen to anyone else."

"Oh believe me, you will have a line of willing immortals just itching to take his head, myself included. There was a time when I could deny my brother nothing. But that time has passed." Adam finished off his beer and tossed the bottle in the trash. "But I think I'll have to wait my turn behind Connor, Claire and Marcus first."

The comment brought a little smile to her face, in spite of the situation. "I didn't know there was a waiting list." Donna sighed, finishing her beer. "I'll make sure I bring someone with me when I go for him, or at least let someone know where I've gone. First one to get there... I'll probably owe my life."

"Do call me, I'll make sure to bring in the troops."

"Will do." Donna smiled. "Well, thanks for the information, and thanks for the beer as well, you do have such good taste when it comes to that."

Adam chuckled and showed her to the door. "Thanks for coming by Donna, I'll be by the bar at some point, another old friend jsut got into town, can't let him outdrink me."

"And that would be a fate worse than death." She gave him a small wave as she headed for her car. "Talk to you later, Adam."

Back on the job again

2004-05-16T23:00:25Z

I've been assigned a new case. My old one, the death of Watcher William Paul, has been put on hold for now. I'm certain the new breed of Watchers is what led to his demise, but I can't prove it at this point. I'll just hold on to it for now...

But this one... man. College girl, body was dumped in the park but I'm almost certain the actually murder was committed elsewhere. Poor kid took quite a beating before being stabbed to death multiple times with a Bronze Age knife. And then the murderer left the knife behind for us to find... I know he did it on purpose, he had to. The question now of course is why.

This girl, her name's Heidi, was in one of Adam's history classes, I'm going to stop by and see what he can tell me about her. Maybe he or one of the MacLeods knows something about the dagger as well.

I'll find whoever did this, it's just going to take some time.

Deep in the heart of your sins...

2004-05-12T02:01:03Z

We're on our way home. Wish we had better news than this... but Joe is safe, and that's what's most important to me right now.

Donna paced in front of the airport gate, worried out of her mind. They’d come for Joe that morning, refusing to let her go with him, and simply dropped her off here. Not a word was said to her on the ride over, nor when they left her here, alone at the gate.

Her stomach churned at the mere thought at Joe being left alone with those men. Joe had told her about the last Watcher trial, how the scar on his shoulder was from where he was shot. The sole reason Donna had come to London with him was to make sure he wasn’t hurt…

She contemplated calling Nathan, but figured that with the time difference, she might not be able to get a hold of him. She made a mental note to stop by his apartment as soon as they got back to Seacouver; over the past few weeks, he’d become like a brother to her, and she knew Nathan was worried.

Out of the corner of her eye, Donna watched as a familiar man walked towards her, cane in tow, his eyes downcast towards the floor. She ran up to him, stopping short just before reaching him. “Joe!”

He looked up, tears in his eyes. “Donna?” Joe asked, almost as if he didn’t believe it was really her. “Donna,” he repeated, holding his free arm out to her.

Wrapping him in a comforting hug, she was taken aback by how tightly he held her. “Is it over?” Donna whispered, not wanting to let him go.

“For now.” Joe pulled back slightly, so he could look down at her. “I don’t even know what to think…”

“Then don’t, at least not for now.” Donna hugged him again. “You have no idea how happy I am to see that you’re all right,” she said softly into his jacket.

Joe just shook his head. “They didn’t tell me where they took you… I was worried, I didn’t know who to be worried more about…”

“Shhh, it’s all right now, it’s done.” She ran a hand along his cheek as if she was soothing one of her small nephews. “We’ve got a few minutes before the plane leaves. Can you tell me what happened?”

Nodding slowly, Joe let her lead him to a seat beside the gate. Pulling her close, he explained quietly, “I’ve betrayed her, Donna. I betrayed her when she was born and now I’ve betrayed her again… she told me as much. God, that’s not my Amy I saw… physically it’s her but I know she’s not like that.”

“Then they’ve done something to her, Joe. She’s not all right.” Donna squeezed his hand tightly. “But you can’t hold yourself responsible for what she’s become, that was her choice, and it always will be.”

“But… she killed her mother, Donna, her own mother! And I… and I… She didn’t even care about it! At all!” Joe’s voice was full of angst, Donna was afraid he might start to cry.

She pulled him tight against her, letting his head rest on her shoulder. “Then the body parts you were getting… they were Amy’s mother’s, weren’t they?” she asked quietly, rubbing his back trying to soothe him.

Joe just nodded, unable to speak.

Donna held him close, knowing that all she could offer him right now was her comfort, that nothing she could say could ease this pain. Someone he loved had died… it would hurt, no matter how long ago the love was. All she could do was be there for him when he needed her, for however long that may be. She knew, in her heart, that Joe could move past this, all he needed was time.

Time, she could give him. Love, she could give him. Whether or not it would be enough remained to be seen.

I don't like this.

2004-05-06T02:15:12Z

We're in the hotel. Nothing wrong yet, but we're being watched. Blatantly. It's starting to bother me... a lot.

Joe's on edge, and so am I. They haven't told us anything yet, just brought us to the hotel. It's driving Joe crazy. Hell, it's driving me crazy and it's not even my daughter we're after, I can't even imagine how bad it is for him.

I just keep waiting for something to happen, for something to go wrong. It's coming... I can feel it. It's like the hunches I get when I'm working on a case. But this one... it pains me. This isn't going to end well.

Why didn't Joe call Adam before we left? Why didn't I agree to let Nathan come with us?

It's going to be a long night, and sleep is an elusive thing.

I've found my bliss.

2004-05-01T19:27:23Z

It was a success. A complete success! The look on his face... absolutely priceless. Joe's jaw actually dropped.

He was nervous, I knew he would be. But... I don't know how, really, but I guess I got him to push those fears aside, at least for the night. And waking up next to him this ~~afternoon~~ morning was complete bliss. It was so different than all of the other times he's stayed here... it meant so much more.

I'm still giggly, Joe's still grinning. It was a good night indeed. He made me some food, and now we're just lounging about.

I've waited so long for something like this. I've finally recaptured something I thought was long lost...

Filtered post--No Joe

2004-04-30T23:49:58Z

(Filtered post--No Joe)

Tonight's the night, me thinks.

Joe's going to be working at the bar, and when he gets home, oh, when he gets home...

Let's just say it'll be an interesting night. A great night.

He'll never know what hit him.

Come on sweet catastrophe

2004-04-27T16:34:36Z

Went shopping with the girls yesterday and let me tell you, I haven't had that much fun in quite some time... even if most of it did include me blushing...

We'll have to do it again sometime. I must admit that Amanda and Dana have a better sense for this sort of thing than I do.

And of course I'll let my girls know how everything works out...

I dreamed last night, about when Ophelia and I got drunk and burned everything that reminded me of Jeremy out in her backyard. It was right after he left me, I was looking for anything to get my mind off of him, and of course booze always seemed like a good idea...

I remembered throwing all of my lingerie into the flames, and the light material catching in the wind and swaying in the air as the fire ripped through it... They burned so quickly, so easily, but that image haunted me for a long time. I'd forgotten about it until now...

No. It won't happen again. I won't let it.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love this man?

2004-04-16T13:17:48Z

Joe said that he loved me.

HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME!

In short, best surprise EVER. And that being said, I'm going back to bed.

Every muscle in Donna’s body was aching as she trudged up the stairs to her apartment. Spending most of the past day cramped in a tiny Honda Civic was far from her idea of fun. Having a train wreck of a rookie beside her for the entire time made it even worse. Her nerves were fried, practically nonexistent, and all she wanted was to curl up in her bed and sleep, preferably with Joe beside her.

Joe… Donna groaned as she slipped her key into the apartment door. She’d hated calling him that morning, breaking off their dinner plans. The stakeout had been the last thing Donna had expected, and she knew Joe had forgiven her for the cancellation, but inside she still felt guilty. She’d have to find a way to make it up to him.

The kitchen was dark as Donna walked into the apartment. With a sigh, she dropped her keys on the counter, a place where she knew she’d remember them in the morning. She emptied her pockets, making sure she remembered to bring her badge and wallet in from the car.

Out of the corner of her eye, Donna noticed a soft glow coming from the living room. The possibility of Joe still being awake flickered through her mind, but she dismissed the thought quickly. It was nearly four o’clock in the morning, and if Joe knew what was good for him, he’d be in bed. She was all too willing to join him there, and sleep like there was no tomorrow.

She took a few steps forward into the living room, gasping as she realized where the light was coming from. The living room was illuminated by candlelight, candles on the coffee table and on top of the TV, all a glow. And Joe sat on the couch, just grinning from ear to ear, his guitar ready and waiting in his hands.

“Sit down,” Joe said, his voice low and husky. “I’ve got a present for you.”

In a daze, Donna sat beside him, ignoring the fact that she was still wrapped in her heavy peacoat. “A present? For me?” She was surprised, a little confused, but seeing Joe in the candlelight seemed to eliminate all of that.

“Just listen.” He smiled and looked down at his fingers as he started to play. She recognized the opening notes—her favorite song, “Drops of Jupiter.” Donna didn’t even know Joe knew how to play it, which made it even more touching.

Time seemed to still as Joe started to sing.

“Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there…”

Donna had never heard such emotion in Joe’s voice. He brought life to the song that hadn’t been there before, and she knew he was singing for her and only her. She sat there, mesmerized, watching the way his hands caressed the frets, listening to the way the words seemed like heaven to her ears.

“Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who was too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there…”

Somehow she found herself taking off her jacket and flinging it over the back of the couch. Donna couldn’t help but wonder how long it took Joe to learn how to play this; the song was far from his usual arsenal of music, but he brought a bluesy sound to it that she rather liked. She smiled at him as he played, resting her head against the couch.

“Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there…”

She waited until the last sounds died from the guitar until she spoke. “That was beautiful, Joe,” Donna whispered.

He blushed a little as he put the guitar aside. “So are you,” he answered, reaching out for her hand.

It was Donna’s turn to blush. “Thanks. For all of this.” She gestured to the candles scattered throughout the room. “I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

“I know, that’s why I did it.” A small, shy smile lit up his face. “I wanted to thank you, for everything you’ve done. I know I haven’t been easy to have around since the kidnapping…”

“Don’t say that, Joe. You’re not a burden, and you never will be.” Donna squeezed his hand tightly. “I’m always willing to help, you know that.”

He stood up, and it was then that Donna noticed that his cane was propped against the side of the couch, instead of in his hand like usual. Pulling her up with him, he said, “I’m so glad you like it.”

“I do, Joe. More than you know.” Donna wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed a kiss against his lips. “You don’t know how much this means to me… how much *you* mean to me.”

Kissing her back, Joe murmured, “Neither do you.” His hands slipped down to her hips, pulling her towards him.

Her heart was pounding, her mind was racing. It had been too long since she felt this way, and it scared her to death to put words to the feeling… But it was there, all of it, and her entire being ached to tell him. “Joe…”

“What is it?” Joe looked down at her, concerned.

Donna bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes. “Joe… if I tell you this… please… just don’t hurt me…”

His hand cupped the side of her face. “I could never do that to you, you know that,” Joe whispered.

She opened her eyes and stared into his. “I love you, Joe.”

Leaning down, Joe rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, too, Donna.”

The kiss was sweet, slow, gentle. It was everything Donna had ever imagined about being in love, when she was a little girl and dreamed of a prince coming and sweeping her off her feet. Having a man like Joe, who would sing to her just to make her smile, was even better than her dreams.

After a few moments, Donna broke the kiss, resting her head against Joe’s shoulder. He massaged her back gently, chuckling into her hair.

“What’s so funny?” she murmured into his jacket.

“You’re exhausted,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “It’s bedtime, I think.”

Donna looked up at Joe, suddenly realizing how tired she actually was; long stakeouts took a lot out of her. “Only if I get to curl up beside you.”

Joe grinned. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”